Wednesday, February 8, 2017

proximity of people: talkinamyself

increasingly unwieldy and the source of challenge. conversations I'm near play like cacophonous racket - is that redundant? - of banal chatter-yakking. I want to to reach over for a volume button so as to mute, or at least turn down.


further, everybody's "inside business" - their internal "stuff" - seems to sink into me through my pores and infiltrate my blood stream.


I remember being at dog beach in solana some summers ago and meeting the former hockey player jeremy roenick who has his very big dog with him. (dog beach, right?) anyway, I guess another beachgoer had an issue and complained about who-knows-what, and mr. roenick had a chat with a lifeguard, the consequences of which were nothing, really, other than mr. roenick remarking out loud to nobody in particular, "I fucking hate people."

now, I guess I won't go that far but...I could easily and instantly relate.


not that the dog beach episode particularly relates to my "increased sensitivity to environment" (i'll call it), but...I could easily and instantly relate.]


I have never, by the way, been anything remotely like a so-called "people person."


which is all to say/admit I've got work to do, adjustments to make and maybe a meditation or two on opening my heart a little more wouldn't do so much damage.


still, it helps to know oneself; what works, what fouls shit up.


anyway, louder lately, and feeling a little toxic.


one can/does "absorb" (to varying degress) the "stuff" of other people that proximity brings. most of "us" are immune to it, barely if at all aware.


some of "us," however, feel said stuff whether we want to or not, and it can be a challenge to turn the sounds of blather into workable white noise.


further, if one happens to of necessity spend a great deal of time around such sharp-edged static, one had better invent some kind of armor so as to keep the poison at bay, 'cause it really can seep in and become a toxic element.


jussayin and speaking for myself, possessor of my own particular toxicity.

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