Tuesday, January 31, 2017

about a natasha

found spiritual transformation

entered, on a whim like a sudden gust of wind, "when thinking turns spiritual," and landed on ms. che's very helpful and nourshing commentary.


what's not just a little interesting is the remarkable resemblance the author of the article - she has a website - has to this woman.

and conjures and maybe makes more sense of the Ero reveal (dream).

at any rate and regardless, a timely and well-written find that nourishes.

a flashlight in the fog that's rolled in.

boots driveway 2 sketch

we see jackie's car nearing in the distance.

carson: that's her.

he walks to the street, tom and chloe follow.

carson waves and points to the driveway.

tom and chloe stand back, spectators.

tom: i hear this is your first time meetin', too.

chloe nods.

jackie pulls in, stops at carson in the driveway. a quick kiss.

carson: i thought you might wanna park it in the garage.

she nods, drives in.

tom: nervous?

chloe: a little. you?

tom nods.

jackie out of her car, puts keys in purse. camera case on a strap around her shoulder, goes to carson in the driveway.

chloe: she's pretty.

carson motions tom and chloe to his car, where he's leading jackie by the hand.

carson: ready?

jackie: or not.

tom removes his hat. nods at jackie.

jackie: hello.

carson: so. jackie, this is chloe.

jackie extends her hand, chloe takes it.

jackie: chloe, it's so nice to finally meet you.

chloe: thank you. and thanks for arranging the ride.

jackie: well, that's all my cousin, whom you'll meet.

chloe: cool.

an awkward beat.

jackie: and i'm going to take a wild guess yhat your name is tom.

she extends her hand.

tom: yes, ma'am.

he shakes her hand.

carson: chloe, tom. jackie. who brought along a movie camera?

jackie: i did. i hope nobody minds.

tom and chloe shake their heads.

carson: doh.

jackie: forget something?

carson, heading toward the front door with his k ys.

carson: selfie stick.

jackie: you're covered.

he stops.

jackie: one with each horse.

carson: really.

jackie: becky has it covered. lunch included, by the way.

carson: well.

jackie: yep.

carson: i thought we might do a hit and run at white sands.

jackie: i'd like that.

chloe: cool.

carson: ever been, tom.

tom: i have not.

carson: well, let's change that.

toward the car and into it.

chloe in behind driver's seat, tom in behind front passenger. carson at the wheel, jackie next to him. everybody ours on their sunglasses.

off they go.

boots driveway 1

outside carson's driveway, day.

tom's truck is in the driveway.

garage door opens. tom and carson and the open door to the house.

then chloe in through it as carson gets in his car and tom continues out toward his truck.

chloe closes the door behind her, carson starts the engine, tom goes to the front passenger side door and opens it with a key.

chloe: you are going to put down the top, aren't you?

carson: i reckon.

he winks and backs out, passing by tom leaned in to the truck to get something out of the glove compartment.

carson continues to the street, parks, brings the top down.

chloe arrives at tom getting his sunglasses from the glove compartment, closing the door.

chloe: nice truck.

tom: thank you.

chloe: diesel, right?

carson is approaching their conversation.

tom: yes ma'am.

chloe: you can call me chloe.

tom: alright.

chloe: do you mind if i take some pictures of you today?

tom: no ma'am. chloe.

chloe: cool. thanks.

tom: hope you don't mind if intake of you of you, too.

chloe: i don't mind.

carson: i have a feeling jackie might bring along her movie camera.

tom: would it be something that might be on youtube?

carson: well. she is a filmmaker and she does have a website where she'll post some of her work. would that be a problem?

tom: ah heck no, my wife would bet a big kick out of it.

we see jackie's car nearing in the distance.

Monday, January 30, 2017

Yi 794: C and A marital issues revisited

just 'cause it's always so uncannily "not so great."

Legge: The fourth line, dynamic, shows its subject, amid the startling movements, supinely sinking deeper in the mud.
Wilhelm/Baynes:Shock is mired.
Blofeld: After the thunderstorm, the paths are muddy.
Liu:Thunder causes mire. [Even with a humble manner, a person can achieve nothing during this time. If birth time and zodiac symbols are not favorable, one will be involved in trouble.]
Ritsema/Karcher: Shake: releasing the bog.
Shaughnessy: Thunder is followed by mud.
Cleary (1):Thunder gets bogged down.
Wu: He has gotten himself into muddy ground.
Confucius/Legge: The light in him has not yet been brilliantly developed. Wilhelm/
Baynes: It is not yet brilliant enough. Blofeld: This implies muddled thinking. Ritsema/Karcher: Not-yet shining indeed. Cleary (2):Thunder getting bogged down is not illuminating. Wu: He cannot bring himself to a bright spot.
Legge: The fourth line is dynamic in a magnetic place, and is pressed by the magnetic lines on either side, hence he is seen as supinely sinking in the mud. Compare what Confucius says about him with hexagram 21:4 -- "His light has not yet been sufficiently displayed.”
Siu: The man is unable to make progress against an unyielding situation and remains trapped by its stubborn resistance.
Wing: The Shocking event will reduce you to immobility. This comes about because of a befuddled mind, confused and unprepared. You cannot make any progress under the circumstances.
Editor: The image is of one who is trapped in obtuseness and ambiguity, as in mud. Muddy: Unclear, as in: "This is as clear as mud.” Note that no value judgment is attached to the line. Meditation on the similarities between this line and 21:4 is useful.
But as the mind matures its principles tend to harden and gradually become fixed, and it becomes unable to accept fresh material which will not fit easily into the existing structure. Thus it loses contact with the dynamism of reality. Its enclosing walls of dogmatic opinion become unable to adapt to changing circumstances, and if faced with a major challenge of ideas it can only collapse, leaving the bewildered mind within to cope as best it may with the apparent chaos that surrounds it. The lesson here is that any structure is only defensible as long as it remains flexible and capable of evolution; life itself is in a state of constant flux and no merely human construction can hope to survive if it cannot adapt. A. Douglas -- The Tarot
A. You are immobilized by ignorance and lack of clarity.

Yi 793: the Asian Influence thing

call me significantly susceptible.

Yi 792: colleen coincidence

"...do what needs to be done and move on."

further, and whether or not coincidence - it was rather loud - what to do but move on?

boots: white sands revisited: the look and talk of it

On the boardwalk. Jackie filming. Tom's recollection of Death Valley (Days). Chloe's geology/geography lesson. On Jackie's gig at NMSU.   

boots: horses revisited 1

1. Chloe brings it up over scrabble. Carson admits he'd been considering the idea. Tom comes out. Notion is introduced. Needs to call Virginia.

2. Virginia is all for it and doing better.

3. Tom: it's a go.

4. Jackie has already brought it up, jokingly, when we met her at the park on the Rio Grande, sure her cousin could wrangle up another horse. She gets the call, will call cousin, then text.

5. Barbara at home, Chloe's call gets her caught up on things. She expects pictures to be taken.

6. Tom calls Wanda, more catching up. More logistics re Wanda's procedure and flying to Austin. Carson's in the hallway, overhears, waits, enters. Got the it's-on from Jackie, who'll drive over the next morning, head up from there after breakfast.

7. Carson stops by Chloe's room on way to bed.

8. Carson finds a picture of his mother. Lights out.

9. Tom's dream. Then wake to sunrise.

10. Tom's cigarette. Chloe out to to tell him breakfast is ready.

11. A story over breakfast.

12. Exterior driveway. Tom's truck in the driveway now. Door opens. the three of them. Chloe asks about his truck. Just got her license. Jackie arrives. Intros. Away they go.

13. White Sands and Jackie filming.

Yi 791: Annamarie 49

Yi 790: Annamarie 48

purely hypothetical, of course. 

Sunday, January 29, 2017

run 2

always uphill treadmill unless otherwise noted.

one hour, 'tween five and five-and-a-half percent.

bit of a grind but what else to expect; still, nothing quite like it for a good reset.

routine will shake itself out but i think maybe a run once every two or three weeks, otherwise a ride on the weekend and another midweek.

rides are cycleops, and i'll get on for ride one wednesday. granny gear but oh well. can only get stronger.

Yi 789: colleen 1

okay. i'll play. 

utterly ridiculous, of course, but interesting coincidence.


Yi 788: timeout

DeKorne: This line can be problematic and is occasionally received under less than lucid circumstances. The "influence of the king" can be interpreted psychologically as the action of the Self in the inner dimensions and hence a reassurance that things are going as they should, even if they don't appear that way to our limited viewpoint in spacetime.
God is bound to act, to pour Himself into thee as soon as He shall find thee ready. Meister Eckhart
A. A superior element influences subordinate elements for the overall benefit of the whole.
B. Relax, don't worry -- "Someone up there likes you."
C. Proper influence comes from affectionate regard, not tyranny.
D. Nourish your inner harmony -- attend to your legitimate needs.

Yi 787: me? brave?

Yi 786: some self-examination

neither pretty nor productive.

Legge: The sixth line, dynamic, tells us to look at the whole course that is trodden, and examine the presage which that gives. If it be complete and without failure, there will be great good fortune.
Wilhelm/Baynes: Look to your conduct and weigh the favorable signs. When everything is fulfilled, supreme good fortune comes.
Blofeld: If they watch their step (or look to their conduct) and heed the omens, sublime good fortune will be theirs.
Liu: Observe your conduct and examine the signs carefully. There will be great good fortune.
Ritsema/Karcher: Observing Treading, predecessor auspicious. One's recurring Spring significant.
Shaughnessy: Looking and treading crafty and soaring its revolving; prime auspiciousness.
Cleary (2): Observing the treading, considering what is felicitous, the return is auspicious.
Wu: Examination of the treading records gives a sense of completion. If errors in treading are avoided, there will be great fortune.
Confucius/Legge: This is a matter for congratulation. Wilhelm/Baynes: The topmost place carries great blessing. Blofeld: The sublime good fortune presaged by this top line takes the form of immense felicity. Ritsema/ Karcher: The great possesses reward indeed. Cleary (2): There is much celebration. Wu: Great joy.
Legge: What is said of line six is good, but is only a truism. The whole course has been shown. If every step has been right and appropriate, the issue will be very good.

Siu: The work is ended and the past course is reviewed. If it has been appropriate and thorough, good fortune is assured.
Wing: Take a long look at what your Conduct in the situation has achieved thus far. If you are on the right path you will know by the good it has produced. It is time for a reevaluation of your goals. By examining the past you may now get a glimpse of the future.
Editor: There is an affinity here with the message in the Image of the superior man "discriminating between high and low," and essentially putting his house in order. If this is the only changing line, the hexagram becomes number fifty-eight, Joy, which intimates that one has successfully passed a test -- in which case the line is an injunction to review the situation and see what we did right.
God saw all that He had made,
and indeed it was very good.
Genesis 1:31
A. The Work is a dynamic process which requires continuous evaluation and adjustment. Review the Work, then review your options.
Line 6 Watching the steps = examining omens. Changes to (58) Joy. At the precipice of enlightenment we measure insight and inspiration against the path to find a correlation. Finding meaning in this way brings Joy and success. You can play victim or look back upon your conduct and consequences to see how you brought about the result. There may be conditioning or early beliefs that you need to release in order to overcome fear and participate more intimately with others. How delightful to discover meaning in life! 

colleen dream revisited

I'm parked, having made that turn, maybe.

she's ahead, in front of me, gets out of her car.

little dog right along on the other side of the street.

smile and face through the open window.

odd as heck.

and on her way back to me, she's walking along a white picket fence.


tweet starbucks dtla devils river dream

"my" starbucks, my four-shot espresso, stop on the way in to work on a don't know what yet.

john the writer said so it's - this blog - is your diary.

i'd never, believe it or not, considered it as such but yes, of course, it is.

the whence i wonder not about.

i knew i was in the devils river because of the silt i was standing in. silt i had read about when reading up on the river and discovering the "silt" where it empties itself into lake amistad.

i was up to my knees in the silt. thus my immediate association.

but getting out of the river, it turned out, involved a difficult self-extrication from what suddenly became more sewage pipe/tunnel than river. a narrow opening that was not going to be easily slipped through.

so, THAT devil's.

i got it then, just wanted to finally write it.

slip. fall.

get back up.

try, try, again.

dreamt last week of being a little stuck in a big spider web.

got that too.

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Yi 785: work stoppage

sent kim off last night (see today's cover pic).  thus, nothing getting done today, and I'm not even going to pretend otherwise. simply, the circuitry is compromised. call it an off-day, reckon a hair of the dog, pick it back up tomorrow. but today, forget it. uh uh.     

"Unchanging: Words, ideas and structures = let them fall down. Authenticity unchanging can be a message about having expectations that are too high or unrealistic. This answer can be the sound of a mother quieting a child : “Now you know why I told you not to eat so much cake.” You may be overly enthusiastic or stuck. Instead of the balance that is brought about by combining modesty and enthusiasm, one or the other is running amok. Both K’un and Ken are images of stopping in meditation. The absence of lines suggests stopping to take a breath. Whatever you are seeking – it is either not the time or you need to gain more clarity. Be patient, the way will unfold and you will be glad you didn’t act so impetuously."

too funny

Friday, January 27, 2017

it's hard

it's buffering oneself against the small
and petty ways and means of the masses.
it's straining through static to hear one's own call
while swimming through molten molasses.

it's diving so deep the bends are inevitable
but you learn to be a bubble by holding your breath
while biting the bullet to get at what's edible
and dredging up rebirth from the debris of death.

it's not the best ride for the faint of heart
or the seekers of a thrill guaranteed.
it's the roller coaster that will from the start
rattle your bones and make your heart bleed.

it's the double dog dare ya to climb up the high dive,
walk out to the edge of the springboard plank.
but what like a freefall to feel more alive,
except for the swim with the sharks in the tank.

It's building a rocket and climbing aboard
and setting your course for the most distant of stars
knowing full well that the only reward
will be telling the stories of where you got your scars.

it's hard because hard is what makes a soul stronger
and separates the real from the fakes,
who when the going gets tough can't go any longer
and join the long line of didn't have what it takes.

pecos: danny's dream 1

He relays this to the therapist at the V.A. in Big Spring, when we meet him.

He's hunting, not really sure for what. Day, high noon in fact, but can't tell if it's home in west Texas or over there in Afghanistan. Kind of a blend, there are similarities. Kind of reminds him of the Chinati Mountains, where he did go on a hunt once upon a long time ago with his grandfather, Susan's dad. In fact in the dream he has his grandfather's deer rifle (that is now in the possession of Susan).

to be continued...

A Love Story 29: what are you afraid of

As this is not so much plot-driven, and is nuance-heavy, the subtleties of dialogue and body language a requisite re: furthering and deepening, blah blah, et cetera, I find myself making a point to write down "talking points" as they occur to me.

And what did in that regard now is, post-sex, they take a walk 'round the Boat Haven, wind making music of the boat riggings, the call of gulls. Ken and Carole hand in hand.

She asks him:

What are you afraid of?

Yi 784: changing writing routine

nail by adri

hmm, copper or brass.

i'll never wash this thumb again.

Thursday, January 26, 2017

a woman's touch

at the counter,

adrienne was painting her nails and, of course, wanted to do one of mine, so i let her.

should not have been but was pleasantly surprised at my reaction at being touched, as she held my hand so as to paint my right thumb nail.

just that, simple hand and finger contact and, damn, tingles.

felt good.

it has been awhile.

first date

we went to her church for our first date
after meeting for coffee nearby.
her pumps matched her pearls,
her sis had the girls,
and there wasn't a cloud in the sky.

her perfume conjured lilac and jasmine,
her lipstick was shiny like blood.
in billy graham fashion,
the reverend's passion
filled the room as if flood.

I noticed the pale on her finger
where once a ring had been stuck.
I thought my own prayer
right then and there,
thankful for the blessing of luck.

when at last the preaching was over
and we'd ended with amazing grace,
she said that we could
and hoped that I would
join her for lunch at her place.

to be cont'd... 

Yi 783: born-again virginity revisited re: dreams

After deducing our "intimacy" in the dream, which ended just as things were starting, had to do with the born-again virginity "stuff" (as in the dream we were in the bed in which I "lost it"), I remembered the earlier dream, same bed.

In that instance she was in light blue lingerie and standing on the edge of the bed.

It occurs to me also that there is a very likely chance she, too, has gone without awhile.

that's funny.

boots: final scene walk-through: elements 1

or: begin at The End.

Chloe's room, day.

Sunshine and bird's chirping. Open door.

She's at her desk laptop, typing. Tom's hat on the desk. And her phone.

Wetsuit on the bed.

(Why? Because Meghan has been in Hawaii all summer and the water of the central coast will be too cold for her.)

(Where is she going surfing? A nod to a classic Central Cali Coastal break.)

Barbara (o.s.): Chloe?

(Just as when we met them; an homage to symmetry.)

Chloe: My room.

Barbara's footsteps up the staircase.

She arrives, stands in the doorway, takes note of the wetsuit.
Barbara: What's with the suit?

Chloe: It's for Meghan.

Barbara: Ah, yes. Surfing Maui all summer will spoil you.

Chloe: Eighty-degree water everyday.

Barbara wanders in, somewhat surveying as if of habit. Moves toward Chloe.

Barbara: What's the temp going to be at Rincon?

Chloe: Scott says like maybe sixty-eight.

Barbara: Brrr.

Chloe: I'm bringing my spring suit. Well, Lisa is.

Barbara: Is there a landline at her cousin's house?

Chloe: Yes. Check your email.

Barbara: Oh. Okay. Thank you.

Chloe: And I'm going to give her parents - Lisa's cousin's parents - your cell.

Barbara: Great. Thank you.

Barbara kisses Chloe's head.

Chloe: Dad's too.

Barbara: That's my girl. Whatcha writin'? 

Chloe: Email to Wanda.

Barbara: I'm so happy you two have become pen-pals.

Chloe: I have some news, and a question.

Barbara: Shoot.

Chloe: Aaaaaand...send.

Chloe powers down and closes her laptop.

[to be cont'd in elements 2]


i confess to having teared up when i watched this.

influential, personally.

solid writing. one of not very many shows I made a point to watch when I was a kid.

and I thought she - well, her character, anyway - was It.

for the astrologers 1: my saturn squares:

"my" saturn squares my natal venus/mercury (so damn funny, just now going dyslexic on "murcery") conjunction. (fourth, libra)

saturn's seventh, capricorn.

Yi: Ms. Hsu 17

just a quick revisit 

dream: balloon, big bang, u.s. flag

observing a red balloon being filled with air. (as opposed to water, and one might consider 'hot" air as well, perhaps.)

then I don't see the balloon, a kind of blank screen moment, but hear the BANG of what I presume(d) to be the balloon having burst, too much pressure.

BUT the bang, by the way, was that like a GUNSHOT, not the pop a burst balloon makes.

cut to - or effect thereof - the flag of the united states of america, above another I don't clearly recall.

both waving in the wind, filling frame.

end dream.


then again it isn't as if it hasn't crossed my mind a couple times.

as a possible event, that is.      

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

dear kelli

per your suggestion, i have not gone gentle into that goodnight.

thank you for that.

i wonder (only now, how odd) what you'd have sensed or seen in me to offer that suggestion.

do you remember that late afternoon at the sawdust festival?

you held my hand under the table (at which your mother and father also sat).

that would have been the last time you saw me.

i saw you for the last time at your wedding, later.

sorry i skipped the reception.

i remember it rained that day.

i also remember seeing you on roller skates, twice.

i bet you can't recall which of those occassions you were NOT working.



Yi 782: Return to Casa Grande 2

Legge: The third line, magnetic, shows one looking at the course of her own life, to advance or recede accordingly.
Wilhelm/Baynes: Contemplation of my life decides the choice between advance and retreat.
Blofeld: By contemplating our own lives, we learn to advance or retreat as required by circumstances.
Liu: Observation of the circumstances of our lives determines whether to advance or retreat.
Ritsema/Karcher: Viewing my birth, advancing, withdrawing.
Shaughnessy: Looking up at my life advancing and retreating.
Cleary (1): Observing personal growth, promoting and repelling.
Cleary (2): … advancing and withdrawing.
Wu: He examines his own life to determine whether to advance or retreat.

Line 3 Contemplation of one’s life = a decision to advance or retreat. Changes to (53) Development. An important decision must be made. Taking responsibility for the part you play in succeeding and failing allows you to make better choices. In a past situation one examines the truth of what transpired and comes to understand why things unfold the way they do.

Six in the third place means: Contemplation of my life Decides the choice Between advance and retreat.

"This is the place of transition. We no longer look outward to receive pictures that are more or less limited and confused, but direct our contemplation upon ourselves in order to find a guideline for our decisions. This self-contemplation means the overcoming of naive egotism in the person who sees everything solely form his own standpoint. He begins to reflect and in this way acquires objectivity. However, self-knowledge does not mean preoccupation with one's own thoughts; rather, it means concern about the effects one creates. It is only the effects our lives produce that give us the right to judge whether what we have done means progress or regression." - Wilhelm