Saturday, December 31, 2016

gym-bob 2: weightlifting

I'm really weak. Have been for awhile, just getting weaker, wheezier, wussier. Pah-thetic. This wasn't always the case, though while I've had brief periods of semi-regular lifting I've nevef really sustained or pushed to and through serious advance.

Still, I am confident that through the routine I have in mind, I will within not so long a period of time be stronger than I've ever been.

Size gains will accompany, a less than despicable side-effect. Results, once recognized, will push toward pushing on.

Vanity rearing it's ugly head (again: see "back in the saddle"), I will also start sporting the short-sleeve shirts I have but haven't worn in awhile.

And some of the long-sleeves I've been living in will start to fit snugger, then, for some of them, too snug.

And acceptable side-effect.

Add the weekly pool work and gains will occur.

What I'm thinking is something like;

Chest and back on Mondays.

Ride on Tuesdays.

Arms on Wednesday.

Shoulders Thursday.

Ride Friday.

Swim Saturday.

Writing it down does help get it going.

Although the proof in the pudding is that it didn't so much back then.

Maybe a push-up report re: how many I can manage now, and follow-ups as I continue.

And I "gym-bob" ballcap.

Or not.

Yi 650: Annamarie 29

gym-bob 1: back in the saddle 1

So, New Year's resolution: back in the gym.

Which includes back in the saddle.

Of my silverfish-grey 1996 ('97?) Specialized road bike.

That I bought to ride the June 1997 America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride with my brother J.

He picked it out and I picked it up in a Berkeley bike shop.

But back in the saddle will not involve out on the streets; hell damn no way; I'll prop ol' Bessy (to be renamed later) (and shown here) this contraption, a beautiful device that comes close to perfection where my aims are concerned.

I'm in such crappish condition that I'll be starting in granny gear, BUT no way to go but up from there, so I'll be climbing through the gears for awhile.

While my lungs expand their bellowing, my heart races like a huskie's, and my now spindly, ain't-wearin'-shorts legs thicken and expand closer to the form they were (lo) those twenty years ago.

And my head gets clearer, my sleep deeper, my moods mellower, my appetite reaching for healthier foods.

Don't see it hurting the work too much, either.

Anyway, back to the legs, I would confess to a self-consciousness about my form right now that even I have already identified as a brand of vanity.

But, meh.

There are more sinister forms of inspiration.

So, twice a week on the horse - maybe I'll call him Horse - for an hour, which will, if not right away, progress to an hour-fifteen, or twenty, tops. Add some leg work with some weights and the pins'll be proper by beach time half a year from now.

Add weekly swim - more on that later - and upper body work and I'll wear the wardrobe better and feel finer doing it.

Who knows, maybe some snow at Mammoth in May or June, in which case put the new legs to good use ripping corn and cord (brah), as a reward.

Not a bad target, now that I say it to myself.

My own little self-styled World Cup skiing weekend. Rent a ride, Motel 6, like the old days a few thousand of them ago.

Anyway, ride tomorrow. I'll keep track and occasionally comment here on progress as it occurs.

Actually, my legs did get pretty impressive way back then.

Maybe a before picture.

Enter spin cycle.


I reckon I'm  married,
hitched and betrothed,
across that roiling river ferried
and herein  unclothed

in that I'm telling you now
I'm officially taken.
But there's milk in the cow
and a pig named Bacon

and a cat named Clyde
and a dog named Bill,
who stay inside
lest coyote get his fill.

I'm up early as you know,
the coffee will be ready.
The talk might sometimes be slow
but the walk will always be steady.  

ruidoso neighbor dream

this was a long time ago.

in the dream - daytime - I'm following a man, maybe a little older than me - in what seems like the upstairs of a knotty pine-heavy cabin.

and I "know" it's Ruidoso.

and it's like, I think, the fourth of july and we're in bbq-prep mode.

or at least he is.

anyway, I sorta realized yes, it's his house. I "knew" he was a neighbor. his because I'm following him and I kinda-sorta don't like the knotty pine look so much.

would never buy it.

so, I'm over to his place and it's probably the fourth of july.

get the sense, too, that his wife (and maybe whomever I'm with?) is (are?) downstairs and probably outside.

just wanted to talk about it to myself.

this is my sandbox. you do know that, right?      

end of an era and this blog

quieter prob'ly. lot less chatter. more about the work. lot les Yi. maybe gym notes as I get back into that. no more luvsmeeluvsmenotstuff. i'm so, like, totally over that. wonder what Jung'd say about that. anyway, time to write Boots, so probably doodling that-related.

or maybe there'll be that earthquake - the big one - and i'll be, like, you know, oppressed by rubble and deathly debris and this blog and all my scribblings will be orphaned. ack.



appropriate enough to have one
on the morning of the long era's end,
like waking up with to say goodbye to
a former everyday friend. 

Friday, December 30, 2016

Yi 649: marrying maiden 14

what else, right. 

Yi 648: marrying maiden 13

Yi 647: the pilot's wife - yawn - again

you'd think it might shake her up a little, right?

and again with that, too.

Yi 646: marrying maiden 13

Yi 645: marrying maiden 12

Yi 644: marrying maiden 11

another Shocking "knew it was coming."

Yi 643: A Love Story: the sex scene cometh

Had lain down to sleep last night, sort of considering some elements of the scene - different ways of going about it - when a notion that I liked occurred to me. I told myself I'd make a note of it and pick it up in the morning.

Then I decided No, get up, turn on the light, write it down while it's fresh, and maybe the act of pen to paper will, who knows, lead to something.

It did. An hour later I had the sex scene (in their hotel room) and its moving parts basically in order, needing only a second look and tightening up, which I'll do tomorrow.

There's some humor in the scene, I think, and I'm very happy that "came out of nowhere" (too). Funny - including actual ha ha - to find myself writing and laughing out loud at the images my pen was putting on paper.

Felt a lot like taking dictation.

Anyway, went back to bed feeling really good about what got done, because, in part, I got up out of bed against slight resistance (darn tired) to take care of business.

And no harm in getting a good laugh out of it along the way.


Yi 642: Nick Nolte


Legge: The third line, dynamic, shows the stranger, burning his lodging-house, and having lost his servants. However firm and correct he tries to be, he will be in peril.
Wilhelm/Baynes: The wanderer's inn burns down. He loses the steadfastness of his young servant. Danger.
Blofeld: Owing to the traveler’s lack of caution, the inn is burnt down and he no longer enjoys the young servant's loyalty. Persistence now would lead to trouble. [Our carelessness leads us into such difficulties that it would be folly to proceed.]
Liu: The inn where the exile stays burns down. He loses the loyalty of his young servant. To continue is dangerous.
Ritsema/Karcher: Sojourning, burning one's resting-place. Losing one's youthful vassal. Trial: adversity.
Shaughnessy: In traveling burning his lodging, and losing his young servant; determination is dangerous.
Cleary (1): Burning the lodge on a journey, you lose your attendants. Even if righteous there is danger.
Cleary (2): Burning the inn on a journey, losing the servants, is dangerous even if one is upright.
Wu: The lodge is on fire. He loses the favor of his helper. He is in danger even persevering.
Confucius/Legge: By burning down his lodging-house he himself also suffers harm. When as a stranger, he treats those below him as the line indicates, the right relation between master and servant is lost. Wilhelm/Baynes: This is a loss for him personally. If he deals like a stranger with his subordinate, it is only right that he should lose him. Blofeld: Traveling on a downward path, our sense of duty and fitness is impaired. Ritsema/Karcher: Actually truly using injuring. One's righteousness lost indeed. Cleary (2): One will also be injured. Duty is lost. Wu: It is a pity. Being stern to the helper in traveling is an invitation to loss.
Legge: The third line is dynamic in a dynamic place, but because he is at the top of the lower trigram, he may be expected to be violent. In the case symbolized he is violent to an extraordinary degree, and incapable of correctness. He treats those below him (his servants) with arrogance, which of course alienates them from him. The K'ang-hsi editors remark that the second and third lines are represented as having lodging-houses when the other lines don't, because they are the only two lines in the figure who are in their proper places.
Siu: The newcomer becomes arrogant and truculent. He eventually loses his house and servant and finds himself without support in a perilous situation.
Wing: Offensive and careless behavior in your position are great mistakes. You are in danger of losing what security you have by interfering in matters that are not your concern. Those who may have once been loyal will then withdraw, leaving you in a perilous state.
Editor: Wilhelm points out that the dynamic line in a dynamic place is in this case too overbearing -- representing one who shows no respect for either those above or below him. For a "stranger in a strange land" to behave in this fashion is a sure formula for failure. One is reminded of the boorish behavior of some tourists in foreign countries -- their insensitivity invariably costs them both money and respect. Sometimes the line can suggest a kind of masochistic petulance in your attitude toward the Work. Note: Oracle interpretation must always remain open and flexible. A recent receipt of this line reversed its usual syntax to portray a situation in which the “ Inn set on fire” referred to an organization which lost a faithful servant (the querent-employee) through unethical business practices. Always allow your best intuition to recognize the best fit for the symbolism, particularly if an answer doesn’t seem to make sense. Try inverting the situation to see if that works better – if so, the answer will usually be numinous.
The arrogant heart is abhorrent to Yahweh,
be sure it will not go unpunished.
Proverbs 16: 5
A. A position is undermined and support is lost because of arrogance.
Legge: The fourth line, dynamic, shows the traveler in a resting place, having also the means of livelihood and the axe, but still saying: "I am not at ease in my mind."
Wilhelm/Baynes: The wanderer rests in a shelter. He obtains his property and an ax. My heart is not glad.
Blofeld: The traveler reaches a place where he obtains the money needed for his expenses, yet laments that there is no joy in his heart. [Were we to travel or continue to travel now, though material difficulties would not arise, we should not experience any happiness.]
Liu: The exile finds rest in a sanctuary. He regains his valuables. He is not happy in his heart.
Ritsema/Karcher: Sojourning, tending-towards abiding. Acquiring one's own emblem-ax. My heart not keen.
Shaughnessy: In traveling, staying put, he gets his goods and ax; my heart is not happy.
Cleary (1): Traveling in the right place, one obtains resources and tools, but one’s heart is not happy.
Wu: The traveler rests in his lodge. He has the amenities, but he is not at ease.
Confucius/Legge: Although in a resting place, he has not got his proper position. Even with a livelihood and an axe his mind is not at ease. Wilhelm/Baynes: He has not yet obtained his place. He is not yet glad at heart. Blofeld: His wandering to that place is indicated by the unsuitable position of this line; his obtaining money for expenses brings him no joy. Ritsema/Karcher: Not-yet acquiring the situation indeed. The heart not-yet keen indeed. Cleary (2): One has not gotten a position. One’s heart is not yet happy. Wu: His position is improper. He is still not at ease.
Legge: Line four is dynamic, but in a magnetic place. Hence, although he is without a lodging-house, he does have a shelter which is not very secure. He can use the axe for defense, but is still uneasy in his mind. The K'ang-hsi editors observe that the mention of the axe makes us think of caution as a quality desirable in a wanderer.
Siu: Although the inferior man finds a resting place and a means of livelihood, his aspirations are greater than his capabilities. He remains ill at ease, a stranger in a strange environment.
Wing: Though you are on your way toward the attainment of your goals, you are constantly aware that you have not arrived. This state of mind leaves you feeling uneasy -- knowing you must move on, and yet anxious to protect and hold intact that which you have already accomplished.
Editor: Here the wanderer is "camping out," so to speak -- occupying a temporary position during a transition. The axe, analogous to the sword (or any metallic cutting instrument), can symbolize mental discrimination. (Cf. The suit of swords in the Tarot.) The image is of one who has the power to comprehend his situation and the resources to advance to a new position, yet is still in a very tenuous and ill-defined state of being. The issue could go either way.
This realization is extremely important from a practical standpoint, for it implies that only constant attention to the unconscious, an inner devoted tribute, is sufficient to enlist its cooperation. The unconscious realms cannot be analyzed away, cannot be defeated in battle, but, at best, by conscious confrontation, can be taken into account within the limits of one's individual capacity. E.C. Whitmont --The Symbolic Quest
A. A synthesis is only tentative -- gains are vulnerable to loss.
B. Consolidate and defend your position. You have all you need, but could lose it.
C. An incomplete idea or concept needs nourishment and careful discrimination to make it secure.

Legge: The sixth line, dynamic, suggests the idea of a bird burning its nest. The stranger, thus represented, first laughs and then cries out. He has lost his ox-like docility too readily and easily. There will be evil.
Wilhelm/Baynes: The bird's nest burns up. The wanderer laughs at first, then must needs lament and weep. Through carelessness he loses his cow. Misfortune.
Blofeld: A bird manages to burn its own nest. At first the traveler laughs, but then has cause to shout and weep. A cow is lost through carelessness -- misfortune! [Presumably, someone's carelessness causes him misfortune which excites our mirth -- until we discover that we ourselves are deeply involved in the resulting loss.]
Liu: A bird's nest burns. The exile laughs in the beginning, laments later. He loses his cow by being careless. Misfortune.
Ritsema/Karcher: A bird burning its nest. Sojourning people beforehand laughing, afterwards crying-out sobbing. Losing the cattle, tending-towards versatility. Pitfall.
Shaughnessy: A crow disorders its nest; the traveler first laughs and later weeps and wails, losing an ox at Yi; inauspicious.
Cleary (1): A bird turns (Sic) its nest. The traveler first laughs, afterward cries. Losing the ox at the border, there is misfortune.
Cleary (2): ... Losing the cow while at ease is unfortunate.
Wu: Like a bird burning its own nest, the traveler first laughs with joy and then howls in sorrow. Like losing a cow in the field, it is foreboding.
Confucius/Legge: He would not listen to the truth about the course to be pursued. Wilhelm/Baynes: Being at the top as a wanderer rightly leads to being burnt up. In the end he hears nothing. Blofeld: The top of this hexagram signifies burning. The loss of a cow through carelessness means that no news will ever be obtained of something we have lost (or are about to lose). Ritsema/Karcher: Using Sojourning to locate- in the above. One's righteousness burning indeed. Completing absolutely-nothing: having hearing indeed. Cleary (2): Because the travel is in a high place, it is just to be destroyed. After all one does not listen. Wu: Traveling at this top position amounts to burning oneself. The misfortune of losing a cow in the field is something he has not heard of.
Legge: Line six is dynamic in a magnetic place at the outer limit of the trigram of Clarity -- he will be arrogant and violent, the opposite of what a wanderer should be, and the issue will be evil. Humility cannot co-exist with haughty arrogance, and his careless self-sufficiency has shut his mind against all the lessons of wisdom.
Siu: The newcomer becomes careless, imprudent, and violent at the height of his distinction.
Wing: By losing yourself in the drama of a new situation and by involving yourself in details that have nothing whatsoever to do with the development of your own principles, you detach yourself from the very foundation of your original aims. Misfortune.
Editor: A bird, as a creature of the air, the realm of thought, can symbolize an idea or concept. A nest suggests the foundation, or resting place of a thought -- a necessary premise upon which the thought is founded. To burn up a necessary premise, foundation, or whatever, suggests thought that has transcended the bounds of reality -- i.e., fantasy, or illusion. If this is the only changing line, the hexagram becomes number sixty-two, Small Powers, the corresponding line of which also images a bird transcending its proper bounds. The wanderer here is arrogant, and as Legge points out, "carelessly self-sufficient." The line sometimes implies some harsh truths about an overly intellectual approach to life.
An inflated consciousness is always egocentric and conscious of nothing but its own existence. It is incapable of learning from the past, incapable of understanding contemporary events, and incapable of drawing right conclusions about the future. It is hypnotized by itself and therefore cannot be argued with. It inevitably dooms itself to calamities that must strike it dead. Jung -- Psychology and Alchemy
A. Criminal negligence creates an irretrievable loss.  

A Love Story 22: meeting 2


Customers and Bebop from the speakers.

Carole enters with her suitcase-on-wheels, sunglasses still on.

to be cont'd...


A Love Story 21: MEETING 1

1. OPEN on CAROLE walking EMBARCADERO, in black dress and sunglasses, with flowers in hand, day. A STREET MUSICIAN plays something sad on his/her VIOLIN as Carole passes by with other pedestrians.

2. KEN DRIVING his rental over the GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE toward The City: the skyline and the bay, day.

3. CAROLE walking to the intersection, lingering, looking around, taking it in, staring at the don't walk changing to walk and back to don't walk. Maybe it's a tear she wipes from under a dark lens.

She lays the flowers down at the at the base of the crossing signal post, kneels to her knees on the sidewalk, whispers something we can't hear except for the "amen" at the end. She gets up, takes one last look to the other side of the street, then turns and walks away.

4. KEN walking away from the rental office in the PARKING GARAGE AT SFO, rolling suitcase behind him, turns out of view at the escalator-this-way sign.

5. CAROLE, FRONT OF HOTEL, sunglasses still on, with suitcase-on-wheels a TAXI DRIVER puts into the trunk of the YELLOW TAXI CAB.

Where we goin today', ma'am?

Airport, please.

Oakland or SFO, ma'am?

Oh. I'm sorry. San Francisco, thank you

Are we in any hurry?

No. Plenty of time.

The driver opens the door for Carole to get in, Carole gets in. Driver goes around to driver's door, gets in, shifts into drive, pulls away. We watch the taxi swallowed by traffic.

6. KEN, in THE TERMINAL,  rolling his suitcase TOWARD HIS GATE, stops to view the ARRIVAL/DEPARTURE BOARD. We see his eyes scan and find his flight, then the "dammit" expression change his face, the mouthed but not voiced "fuck." He checks his watch.

We hear a muffled RINGTONE, louder when Ken pulls his phone out of a pocket to answer.


San Francisco.

Well, I was supposed to be flying home in an hour but now it's more like closer to three.

It was good, good. Thanks for asking.

Plenty of wine. Hey, when in Napa, right?

Well, assuming all goes well I'll land in A-B-Q around seven, home by, I dunno, midnight, latest, hopefully.

Yeah, no, good idea, and I appreciate it, so we'll do it Tuesday.

I dunno, grab a coffee and the New York Times.

Okay, you too.


He puts his phone back in his pocket, walks out of frame pulling his suitcase-on-wheels.  

Yi 641: marrying maiden 10

litmus test?

Thursday, December 29, 2016

the term i used and subsequently edited to:

"up the street," was sloppy, i realized later, and disrespectful, and, closer to home, closer to home. explains the hurt feelings dream though.

i do tend to slip when i shoot from the hip and can't button my lip in time to nip the trip in the bud.

thus mud.

on the carpet, i mean.

which reminds me that i haven't stepped in dog shit in a very, very long time.

due, maybe.

Yi 640: X w/ex 4

that was odd.

Yi 639: the ex and i: re: finished

Yi 638: what would Jung say 8

Legge: The fifth line, dynamic, shows its subject contemplating his own life course. A superior man, he will thus fall into no error.
Wilhelm/Baynes: Contemplation of my life. The superior man is without blame.
Blofeld: The Superior Man does no wrong in keeping a watch upon our lives. [It is not wrong for us to be curious about the affairs of others if our motive is to be of more help to them.]
Liu: Observation of ourselves. No blame for the superior man.
Ritsema/Karcher: Viewing my birth. A chun tzu: without fault.
Shaughnessy: Looking up at my life; for the gentleman there is no trouble.
Cleary (1): Observing personal growth, a superior person is blameless.
Cleary (2): … Developed people are impeccable.
Wu: He examines his own life. The jun zi is without blame.
Confucius/Legge: He should for this purpose contemplate the condition of the people. Wilhelm/Baynes: "Contemplation of my life,” that is, contemplation of the people. Blofeld: In this passage, "our lives” means the lives of the people. Ritsema/Karcher: Viewing the commoners indeed. Cleary (2): What is appropriate for a great leader is balance in action. Wu: He actually looks after his people.
Legge: Line five is dynamic, and in the place of the ruler. He is a superior man, but this does not relieve him from the duty of self-contemplation or examination.
Siu: The man in a position of power studies the impact of his life upon the welfare of others. If he so conducts himself that the condition of the people is always good, he will not fall into error.
Wing: You will gain an understanding of what the future holds for you by Contemplating the effect of your life upon others. If your influence and example are good, then you are without blame. This, you will find, is its own reward.

thank Yi.

Yi 637: my next sex partner 3


re: relating hexagram 31, note "Other titles"(again).

Yi 636: Annamarie 28/marrying maiden 9

remember the code

Yi 635: marrying maiden 8

Yi 634: Annamarie 27