Thursday, December 31, 2015

boots 72: kerrville again

In the previous scene, Carson has mentioned to Doc that he'll be driving to Kerrville with Tom's ashes and that Wanda is already there.


Carson Fueling up (Tom's truck), he notes a man and his young son interact in a similar way that Tom had witnessed at the diesel stop. Dad showing how to check the oil level.

Wanda and Virginia on the front porch swing. Trees in the yard. Strong breeze. Storm coming up from the Gulf.      

Carson driving through Kerrville. Stopped at a signal, he takes it in, then drives ahead and turns out of view.

The leafy street, Carson looking for street signs, raindrops on the window, another turn out of view.

Wanda and Virginia on the porch. Silence except for the light rain. The sound of Tom's truck. Wanda standing.

Virginia: what is it?

Wanda: It's him.

Wanda stands. Carson drives the truck into view, nears the driveway, turns into it.

Carson's POV. Driving in, aimed at the car port at the end of the driveway. Wanda and Virginia standing on the porch, rain falling harder.


to be continued...


Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Armadilla: Rayleen

Rayleen, 44, is Colleen's younger sister.

She lives with her husband David, and two dogs and three cats, in their cozy home on the Blanco River in Wimberley, Texas. They are childless, by choice. 

Rayleen, like Colleen, grew up outside Houston.     

She got her B.A. at U-T Austin, a graduate degree in Education from Sul Ross State U in Alpine, and teaches junior high school in Kyle.

She also has a weekly astrology podcast from home, in a space in David's recording studio. (David is a musician who records with well-known artists and gives lessons at home on the side.)

Whereas *Colleen's fashion style* is one Martha Stewart would covet, er, admire, Ray's is considerably less considered. Hill Country hippie, perhaps.  


* I gave Courtney some notes on Colleen's fashion and asked her opinion of what - or WHO - Colleen would wear.

Her reply:  

"I'm going to say cashmere cable knit sweaters, tailored wool slacks and tod's driving loafers for day wear, traditional green wellingtons in the garden.  Lily Pulitzer in the spring and summer months. She tans but wears big hats, she swims, even if she's 70."

Colleen is 50 and we do, in fact, meet her swimming laps. But more on Coll later.


I'm out on the front porch,
a measly mere mouse,
but when that door swings open,
guess whose house.

dream: crawl along ledge, add wedge, dock, pool dive

it's dark, dawn or dusk, and I'm making my way through/along a passageway that includes a tight fit, that induces a moment of doubt, whether to continue.

there are two women behind me, indistinct, but I know they speak Spanish. they are coming behind me but are not with me.

I am through the tight spot and then at a point where I must lift for something with which to hoist myself up.

it turns out this is a piece of pier, or dock, and then I am aware that there is water on the other side - the "out' side - of my narrow concrete passage.

shaped kind of like a leaf/rain gutter.

there is a space in which one could fall, caution is needed, but I know if I take my time i'll get up and over. the women behind me - I can feel them - observe.

there is a sense that i'll be arriving at a festivity of some sort, a gathering, but I don't know the specifics. I'm looking forward to having a beer.

once up and over, and "there," basically - like on a patio, maybe - I see the high dive above the pool with the clear and quite deep enough water. I arrive in time to watch a man jump in. 

I decide to dive, and do.

plenty of air time then into the water, sublime, as much like air, it seemed, never felt anything like it, so wonderful, and the light from the sun above dancing about.

incredible. beautiful. I swim toward the bottom.       

Monday, December 28, 2015

boots 71: bonito lake to scenic overlook


wanda at home, post-procedure. leg up, back in hawaii on the laptop at the kitchen table.

ringtone. smile.

she says everything went okay, back for a follow-up in october. she asks about the horsebacking.


tom on the phone, with chloe in thr backseat of carson's car. carson driving, jackie up front, rolling through ruidoso. tom catches her up. about to stop for lunch in ruidoso. oh i took a few. i'll send one soon as i hang up.

carson wheels into a parking space.

tom wraps up the call. call ya tonight, sweetheart.

carson asks how the procedure went. good news. carson hopes tom is okay with mexican food. it's his favorite. chloe adds that "it's dad's too," out of the car. tom finds a picture, sends it.


smiling. chirp on phone. it's a picture from the trail, group horseback. she stares at it, then sends it. laptop chirps. she checks email. the photo. save. set as desktop. she smiles at her new screensaver.


chloe with camera outside restaurant, waiting for the other three to exit. she walks alongside, camera aimed at them. carson suggests stroll to the river.


all along rio ruidoso. more spanish.  not so "noisy" to me. on the flood of oh-four. silence but for the "noisy" river. anyone tired of selfies yet?


rest stop side of road. tom and chloe in car. their chat (boots 68, 69). carson and jackie return from restrooms. carson hands chloe the keys to drive them home.  

dream: RAS: "...not movie money"

RAS, wealthy and harvard country clubby to the Nth, bemoaning that while he had plenty, and more to spare, "it's not movie money."

Sunday, December 27, 2015

food photos: thanksgiving and christmas dinners

I said I wouldn't take selfies, too/either.

thanksgiving 2015, Eight Bar, DTLA

Christmas 2015, My Thai, SLO

boots 70: horseback 2: bonito lake

ext trail above bonito lake. sierra blanca peak

tom asks what about the lake. "bonito" leads to a brief spanish lesson. chloe's taking it in school and tom speaks "poquito." chloe suspects he speaks a little more than a little.

tom asks about sierra blanca. cousin (who'll eventually have a name) references the mescalero apache tribe and reservation. tom remembers the casino and hotel on the way up. cousin references ski apache, where she works, being mescalero apache. 

chloe: have you ever skied?

tom: no ma'am. you?

chloe: snowboard.

tom: lot more like surfin', i reckon.

chloe (nods): dad skis.

carson: tries to.

chloe: he just started three years ago. for six days total, he does hellawell.

tom: hellawell.

chloe: darn good.

carson: I fall less.

tom: well that's usually a pretty good sign of improvement. and how long ya been snowboardin'?

chloe: ten years.

carson: barbara's folks have a condo in park city.  

tom: alright. jackie? how 'bout you?

jackie: season pass at ski apache.

carson: she's going to show me around this winter.

chloe: we're going to jackson hole over christmas.

tom: is that so? 

chloe: how far is it from jackson to laramie?

tom: oh, roundabout four hundred miles. we've made the drive a couple times, up and back to yellowstone, but that was in the summer. real pretty drive but not one I'd be inclined to make in the winter.  


Tom introduces the notion of taking selfies, asks if anybody'd mind. His wife'd sure like some photographic evidence that this day wadn't nothin' but a dream.

well I take that back. even if it was a dream. or is a dream. it ain't hardly close to bein' nothin'.  

chloe: so it's definitely something?

tom: I'd say it's definitely somethin' else 'sides just somethin'.

Selfies all around. And Jackie filming.

Done, they proceed. Carson tells Tom he'll be the caboose for awhile. Tom follows cousin and Jackie. chloe gives a wink to carson, who winks back. she sets her horse to a walk. carson records with his phone. chloe and jackie look back at the same time, both wave, then turn to continue.

carson lags, watching, finally sets his horse to a trot toward the group, rides alongside chloe. a high-five.

dream: more HR's

little dude, like dee gordon (or left-hand "toy cannon"?), launching bombs to right.

for some reason my takeaway was something like, if that dude can hit it out, hellyess I can too.

and a right-handed, not huge, wiry-lean, hitting a bolt out to deep left.

dream: book cover: title


 that's all.

dream(s): (more) i can fly

three occasions.

some superman styling, soaring and swooping and high-speed "banked" turns, playing with arm/hand position to effect desired lift or down-force.

"playing" also with a "launch" effected by falling backward from a standing position, the "knowing" that trust (that I would not fall) is the engaging element, or ignition, if you will. "falling" into liftoff. faith-related.

as was my drop in elevation when I find, mid-flight, that thinking too much (being too "rational") is getting in the way.

in fact, I almost crash into a fence - a barrier, a boundary-maker - but regain elevation by trusting.

for lack of better description.

conjures the dream of the bald eagle turning into the chicken, change from flight to its perch on, again, a fence.

witnesses this time.

dream: river kayak, following dolphin

I put in from a rock, as best I can recall, and am first concerned about a faulty kayak, as it seems to be holding water.

but then is not and I notice the dolphin in the clear green water ahead.

suddenly an oar/paddle is in my hands and I dip it and surge ahead, pulled somewhat, it seems, by the dolphin's forward progress.

maybe a wake effect.

better than a shark coming up from below.


i'll take it.

Saturday, December 26, 2015

boots 69: horseback 1: the meadow

1. trail head, saddle up. meet jackie's friend. tom's buckle. riding out, tom the caboose.

2. trail through the woods, cuh-lip, cuh-lop. birds singing.

carson: how ya doin' back there, tom?

tom: keepin' up so far. 

parade crosses through and out of frame. 

except for tom, who halts his horse. he watches the group ride away, gets his phone out, records until chloe is the last one to disappear from view. he stops recording. 

how bout this, sis?

the group, as before: cousin, jackie, carson, chloe, in a line, through a meadow. we hear the hooves, chloe turns around, no tom, until he rides into view at a brisk trot, all others hearing and turning to watch tom's swift approach and halting his horse just so when he arrives.  

sorry, stopped to take a picture and dropped my camera.

COUSIN (to betty, tom's horse) well look at you, young lady. 

betty swishes her tail and seems to nod. tom pats betty's neck.  

chloe stares at tom. carson stares at chloe. jackie stares at carson. cousin stares at jackie.

CARSON looks like ya made a made new friend.

TOM she's a sweetheart.

 COUSIN  she also knows where lunch is, about a quarter-mile ahead.

TOM alright.

COUSIN if you think she might be in the mood to get there first. 

tom ponders, makes something like a double-click sound, gives a little stirrup and betty is quick into a trot across the meadow toward the other side of the woods.

and at a gallop from the GROUP'S POV, tom on horseback chased by a cloud of dust.

JACKIE who was that masked man?

COUSIN who is that masked man?


CARSON that's my father.


COUSIN (confused) oh.

TOM "whoas" betty to slowing and an easy turn around to face the group, figurines at the other end of the meadow. tom is breathing hard, smiling, a whew doggy that was alright. good girl, miss betty. you are one fine dancer. ain'tcha? you betcha.

he takes off his hat, waves it at the group. they wave back.

COUSIN that's some pretty nifty keepin' up.

CARSON that's what I was thinking.

CHLOE cousin?

COUSIN: chloe?

CHLOE: will queen elizabeth trot?

COUSIN: she will. if ya let her know it's a go.

CHLOE and she knows where lunch is, too?

COUSIN and looking forward to getting there.

Chloe gives a dad a look.

Jackie readies her camera.

CARSON let me get my phone out.

TOM watching, betty stilled. carson aims his phone. 

chloe sets queen Elizabeth into a trot, riding directly at tom, who gets his phone out and records as chloe approaches, smiling and waving and riding queen elizabeth past him and proceed along the trail.

tom stops recording. looks back at the group.  


in the distance tom rides after chloe, looking back at them.

COUSIN well?

JACKIE: carson?

CARSON: hyah.

he sets his horse into a trot, jackie follows, passing, slightly faster. 

carson blows her a kiss as she goes by. she winks back, stes her horse into a higher gear, though not as fast as cousin goes by, high out of the saddle, getting to tom, followed by Jackie, and carson, more than content to bring up the rear with a movie ahead of him.

he is the last one into the woods on the other side of the meadow.      


christmas 1

same as last year, but elevation gain.

more later.

click photo to turn into money

Friday, December 25, 2015

dear kelli

happy birthday.

- B

dream: more blonder annamonrovia

still brown but blonder than last dream.

a change, obviously, but what.

perhaps merely style.

but why. something new?

like she'd been at the beach all summer.

that kind of blonder.


no complaints.

interesting indicator, whatever the indication.

robert avenue

it's things like this:

on the train today, just now, rolling through oxnard, finding myself thinking specifically about bobs i know, and then i'm off on this bob thing and i look out the window and the first thing my eyes land on is a "Robert Avenue" street sign.

a new twist on the phenomenon.

and i was thinking just the other day that it had been awhile.

boots 69: tom and chloe, MEH TO CARSON


T meh?


howya spell that?


alright. and what's that mean, in case i come across it in the crossword.

well. fair to middlin', i reckon.



we'll see.

well, good luck with it.



CARSON alright, wha'd i miss?

boots 68: chloe and tom to meh.

so what do you and wanda like to do.

well. we square dance once a week.

really? that's cool.

y'ever square danced?

in sixth grade.


in the gym.

didja have a good time.

well. i got to dosey-do with a boy i had a crush on, so that was cool.

what was his name?

bobby henderson. do you get all dressed up.

i reckon some folks might think so.

do you have any pictures of wanda on your phone.

oh, a couple.


(contd) here we go.



wanda's very pretty.

she is, ain't she.

do you tell her that.

i do.

wasn't sure that sort of thing was in a cowboy's repertoire.

keep it in a special compartment on the saddle.


thanks for sharing, tom.

my pleasure, chloe. anybody ya crushin' on now?

(SHRUGS) meh.


dream: tony c handing me five (or was it six) christmas cards.

one after the other, not all at once.

and they're for me, not for forwarding.


Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Yi 26: standing ovation dream

dream: more baseball pirates and standing O

in previous, the home run after having been no-hit until the ninth, and the hit. home run to center field to win the game, a walk-off.

pirates win.

mazeroski came to mind.

this dream:

standing ovation, teammates - pirates - and some of appluading while standing on their heads.


on the field, along the outfield wall.

all looking at me.

Monday, December 21, 2015

boots 65: white sands, again (and again)

out of the car, in the distant background.

carson and tom, chloe near and attentive.

jackie's filming. carson lets us know what she does.

chloe asks tom if he's ever been to white sands. nope. been to santa fe, long time ago. a rodeo. reminds him a little of death valley. references the panamint mountains. 

on borax and gypsum and speaking of sand to chloe's surfing.

he asks what the range in the distant is. chloe tells him, and carson: that's where we're headed. 

boots 64: doc 1 to white sands

doc 1

carson chloe airport.

tom asleep in tv room when they arrive home. rodeo on the bigscreen. chloe stares. maybe it's his naptime. 

tom's dream. wakes. murmuring of carson and chloe.

carson and chloe, scrabble. about ruidoso. sound of tom's boots. introductions. scrabble? tom does the crossword. chloe up quick to warm food, furtive glances at tom.

mom (barbara) at home, with rick. chloe calls. barbara gets rick caught up.

breakfast on the patio. carson and chloe. Ruidoso? tom comes back out. he's invited.

virginia gets tom's call. she's happy for him. getting the ashes today, that river will be here when you arrive.

carson calls jackie. she's happy tom will be along.

outside the house. garage door open. waiting for Jackie. tom and chloe and the truck, then carson, and a little on the cummins diesel. Jackie arrives. intros. drive away.

white sands.


boots 63: from tom/carson sunset 1 to doc 1

tom enters, followed by carson.

cut to jackie. phone call from carson. (ringtone.)

their conversation. he catches her up about how dinner went. end call.

carson in socks leaves room, heads down hall to tom's room. light on. wanda's ringtone. tom answers. carson eavesdrops. cut to wanda, asking how things are going.

carson walks back up the hallway, away from the room, waiting. after I love you too, sweet dreams, he moseys toward the room. 

a chat about the next morning. breakfast. tom will cook. a little short-order history.

wanda, lights out after good look at their picture.

breakfast. tom knows his way around a skillet and stove. a story. carson on chloe, a little about her. carson tells tom he's welcome to stay, meet her, leave tomorrow morning, if his schedule allows, et cetera.

chloe and mom, airport. meeting Jackie and dad' mom wants pictures, if possible.

doc 1. 

dream: eagle into chicken


Sunday, December 20, 2015



On the vast flat, an island in a sea of sage and scrub, lent perspective by the distant mountains. A tumbleweed meanders across frame, leading our eyes to a faraway but nearing whirlwind of dust kicked up by what we can finally recognize as horses at a furious gallop, nearing.

Finally we can count them, one through six, crossing frame, and trailed, we finally see, by a smaller cloud of dust far behind the horses, seemingly in pursuit and clearly gaining ground.

As the horses leave frame, we can identify the figure on horseback, closing the gap.

It's a man, in what looks like a uniform, and the horse is noticeably larger, as well as faster, than the horses being followed. This horse is black, and features a United States Cavalry patch - or is it painted on? - and the bearded man in the saddle - meet SARGE - wears goggles under his helmet.


boots 61: beats: tom arkansas river to arrive las cruces

ext abq motel lot, tom arrive, to registration. boots on asphalt. 

interior motel room. call wanda.

wanda. meet ringtone.

tom. ending of shane on tv. he turns it off. shower.

ext abq motel lot. sunrise. tom drops off key, crosses lot to truck, drives away.

tom side of road, last stages of changing tires, tosses the flat into the back. highway sign indicates las cruces dead ahead. we can see the distant organ mountains.

sweaty, tom changes shirts, pulling a fresh out of the suitcase. we see the tattoo. two horseshoes, linked, on a shoulder. phone call.

just outside las cuces. just changed a tire. how ya doin', girl?

meet virginia. on the phone with tom, out-of-focus company murmuring behind her in a different room.

she's doing better, company helps, on ruth's cremation and getting the ashes. end call.

tom stares dead-ahead, finally starts the engine, pulls back onto the highway.

interior truck, tom through las cruces, somewhat suddenly changes lanes, all the way over, fast to slow to off-ramp and out of view.

meet carson. home office. organ mountains right on him. he's typing at somputer, chloe photos, phone call. log off.

tom driving soledad canyon road, outside las cruces. organ mountains right on him. driving slow. he stares at the handsome homes spaced far apart. turns onto a different street, drives out of view.   


found butterfly

yesterday, same place, missed it in the dark earlier.

easy to say now, but I did always sense a missing piece.



Saturday, December 19, 2015

sticks: talkinamyself

Rick, whom we come to know as something of a wreck, has come to Alpine to offer Rex the job as the "big club's" pitching coach. Rex, 70, has already promised Betty, his wife, that the season (ending when we meet it) would be his last.

Rick is assistant to the GM of said club. He had a good major league career, made plenty of money, won awards and wears a World Series ring. His career could have been better but for a loose lifestyle that not only cost him money but two marriages.

When he shows up at the night game at Kokernot he sits down with two beers. His head is on a swivel when a shapely ass passes, then again at another. (Which may end up being a great way to catch a foul ball with his face, later.)

After surprising Rex post-game, they go to a nice dinner in Alpine, where they catch up. It is clear when we meet the waitress that she has Rick's rapt attention, to which she seems receptive. We can tell that Rex is aware of the dynamic and that it is nothing new to him. This leads to further exposition, Rick's marital past.  Rick picks up the check and includes his hotel and room number on the receipt.

Leaving, Rick and Rex make a date for golf the next morning.

The next morning Rick wakes up with the waitress in his bed. He's late for golf.

Rick offers the job (out of the blue) to Rex as Rex steps up to his lengthy putt. He talks about the salary, the first-class, five-star everything. The amount and strong likelihood of post-season money. Maybe even - flashing his steroidal ring - one of these. One year, big hoss. That'll drop a little coin on grandchild's future. Doesn't exactly hurt the already friendly pension.

Rick will prove a not-so-positive influence on one of the players on the (indy league) team. This does not endear him to Rex and in fact brings up old history. There will also be an incident (in the Holland, I think) with another former big leaguer, with whom Rick is not on the best of terms.

Rick will, of course, have to make some changes. But what forces him to. What loss leads to turnaround. What is the kick in the ass? Maybe the player entranced by Rick's "style" who maybe has one too many drinks one night and goes for a drive in the West Texas night.

boots 60: tom arkansas river/wanda clothesline

tom finishing his lunch at a picnic table in a wooded area near a river.

working on the apple. he tosses the core to the grassy earth.

takes his phone from its clip on his belt, touches the screen, twice, holds phone to ear.

hey there, sugarpie.

i am sittin' at a picnic table near the arkansas river in pueblo, colorado. just finished a great lunch. you didn't mention the chocolate bar.

and a surprise it was. what're you doin'?

interior house. laundry room. washer and dryer and clothes basket and such. a door to the backyard. a window in the door that shows us clothes on the line, dancing in the strong breeze we can already hear, and wanda's approaching footsteps from the hall.

w (o.s.)  about to go out and bring the clothes in off the line.

(entering) see if i can keep from bein' blown to cheyenne.

oh yeah, it's whippin' pretty good. how's the weather in pueblo?

well good. Virginia called, we had a good talk.

 she mentioned that. I'm glad she's got good company til you get there. 

(laughs) that is not what I meant.


alright, cowboy.

i love you too.

tom, at the river.

Okay, i'll call ya when i get to my room.

I'm fine. The drive helps. Has a calmin' effect somehow.

Alright, baby.

Bye bye.

He stares at the river, pulls a pack of cigarettes from a shirt pocket, takes one, puts the pack back, gets a lighter from a pants pocket, lights the cigarette and smokes.

Wanda, taking clothes off the line in the strong wind.

Tom's square dance shirt wraps her in its arms, startling Wanda, who instinctively wraps her arms around the sleeves that embrace her, the wind kicking up even wilder, blowing a tumbleweed across the open lot on the other side of the fence.

as the breeze lulls she releases the sleeves, which release her.

Tom, walking to truck in the lot, trailhead behind him. He gets in, starts it up, looks over his shoulder and backs out of frame.

Friday, December 18, 2015

Dear McP

Happy Big Birthday.

I remember as well 'tis the season of our First Date.

You picked me up. The green Honda-wagon.

Do you remember sitting in the parking lot of that small convenience store (either 7-11 or tic-toc) and going through the paper for a movie to see?

We'd eaten here.

We saw this. (I don't recall much else about it.)

You flew home to Denver the next day.

I think of you often. 

I hope today is Celebratory for you.



 - Bud

photo by McP

The autumn leaves are falling like rain.
Although my neighbors are all barbarians,
And you, you are a thousand miles away,
There are always two cups at my table.

T'ang Dynasty poem

boots 59: tom, lunch stop in pueblo

Along the banks of the Arkansas River.


calls Wanda, about to bring in clothes off the line. (Meet ringtone.)

to be continued. 

Thursday, December 17, 2015

boots 58: Tom leaving Laramie


Tom out the door first, carrying suitcase, Wanda, in a robe and slippers, behind him, leaving the front door open, then down the steps from the stoop to the truck in the port. Tom opens the rear passenger side door, tosses in the suitcase, comes around to the driver's side, Wanda right along. 

TOM: I'll call every couple hours or so.

WANDA: I'd like that.

TOM: So Shirley's gonna give ya a ride tomorrow?

WANDA: Yeah.

Tom opens the driver's door, takes off his hat and puts on the front passenger side of the bench seat. He kisses Wanda, who puts her arms around him. Tom reciprocates. We hear a faint siren, a dog barking far away.

TOM: I love you.

WANDA: I love you, too. You okay?

Tom nods.

W(cont'd) Oh.

She breaks away, walks to the front door. 

TOM: What is it?

WANDA: Almost forgot.

TOM: Forgot what?

WANDA: Be right back.

She goes into the house, comes back out after a moment with a brown bag rolled down into sack lunch shape.

W(cont'd) Your lunch.

She scoots past him and sets the bag in the front seat.

W(cont'd) Ham and cheese, lettuce and tomato, avocado and alfalfa sprouts.

TOM: Oh my.

WANDA: And an apple and chocolate bar.

Tom stares at her.

W(cont'd) What?

TOM: Nothin'. Just everything.

WANDA: Only everything?

TOM: That's all.

WANDA: Well, you better get before I start cryin'.

Tom squeezes her hands and kisses her.

TOM: Or me. 

He moves by her and hops into the driver's seat, closes the door, starts the engine. He winks at Wanda, who winks back, then backs out of the carport, down the driveway and into the street, where he turns to point the truck. 

He waves and blows Wanda a kiss. She reciprocates. Tom drives up the street, Wanda walking up the driveway. He comes to the intersection, waves his hand out the window and honks. Wanda waves back.

Tom makes the turn and drives out of view. Wanda stares, then takes in the sunrise and the street and walks slowly back to the house, up the steps to the stoop and through the front door, closing it behind her.       


Wednesday, December 16, 2015

boots 57: five-letter word...

T five-letter word, patio and pineapple island.

W you're kidding.

T yer kiddin' is more'n five words.

W lanai.

T how ya spell that?

she turns her laptop toward him.

W like that.

T well whaddaya know.

W you know how to spell it and you knew it was the answer.

T well, had a feelin'. but writin' with a pen, just wanna make sure. Winks.

The waitress - TAMMY by the nametag on her gingham blouse - stops by with a pot of coffee.

W More decaf? 

boots 56: fade in rev.


Tom and Wanda across from each other in the booth with the window view to the sidewalk and street.

SOUND: The murmur of the dinner crowd. Clatter of dishware. The DING of the bell when someone leaves or enters through the door.

Tom and Wanda are dressed for square dancing. His hat hangs from a hook on the side of the booth. Her purse is in her lap. The vehicles parked at the sidewalk, facing the diner, feature Wyoming plates. The most prominent of them is an old Dodge Ram pickup truck, positioned as if watching Tom and Wanda.

Their empty plates are pushed away. Their coffee mugs are nearer. Tom is focused on a folded section of the newspaper pulled from the Laramie Boomerang, in a stack on the edge of the table. He fiddles with a pencil he holds near his ear. 

Wanda's attention is on whatever she sees in her mini-laptop.

Tom: Five-letter word, patio and Pineapple Island.

Yi 25: Variety magazine

spurred by picking up today's copy in the elevator lobby, after having been considering the ghost of christmas future dream.

Monday, December 14, 2015

dream: more porsche 911

This time I'm in the driver's seat.

I have not started the car. (think "vehicle.")

I have my hand on the stick and am going through the shift-points, like practicing, getting ready.


more presto-bingo: 64

it had happened before with 17. I'd forgotten to copy a reading, clicked off, lost it. asked for 17, got it, first roll.

did it again just now. re: 64; I'd neglected to copy the sequence text.

so, hell, why not?

first roll of the dice:

got my sequence.


(not a) dream: dave, handshake

morph from dream to not-a-dream.

a keeper.


Sunday, December 13, 2015

STICKS 1: intro: rex and ruth to rick

we meet rex and ruth, 70, at their daughter's (and son-in-law's and grandson's) home in el paso. it's the five-year-old's birthday.

on their way home to silver city, new mexico, rex, about to begin the baseball season as the manager of the independent-league turquoise city tortoises, tells ruth he thinks he's had enough, it's time to finally, really, truly quit it.

he wants to spend more time with the family, traveling, being with my wife. ruth is beyond happy but adds wryly she'll believe it when she sees it. she looks out the window. a tear rolls from under her sunglasses.

are you crying?

she shakes her head, not turning to face him. hands held across the front seat.
rex and ruth at home. she's gardening, he's doing yardwork, adding to the xeriscape.
rex leaving, begin baseball season.
on the bus, heading toward alpine (texas) and kokernot (stadium). rex's speech, last series of the season. a couple players are plugged into their devices and get a quiet but pointed earful from rex.
kokernot. sundown. rex throwing batting practice.
rick arrives. parking lot. the lights of the stadium. the shiny range rover. recognized on the way in, autographs.
game on. rex in dugout. pitcher struggling. rex to mound as rick finds his seat, beers in hand.

chinese box 2

it took excited hammering
upon the walls and then the locks
to find the pearl within the clamoring
of her jaded chinese box. 

dream: goodbye hug dark-haired woman

can't say I even recognize her.

pepperish hair, the grey in streaks - highlights? - in her mostly dark bangs.

bangs? okay.

she's with someone, a man, also dark hair, on the shorter side, and it's clear to me they're a couple. together, anyway.

but she and I have a history, that much is clear, but hell if I know what it is, although in the dream I wasn't wondering, it was all kind of understood.

anyway, time for them to go. and it's maybe a party, a dinner or something - a gathering - 'cause there are others milling about.

so, she/they are leaving but we embrace first, hug goodbye, but the embrace is increasingly "firmer," any added "grip" reciprocated.

whatever the history, it's thick.

thus odd I can't recognize her (although the hair does bring someone to mind) nor recall the nature of our significant connection.

they leave and/but it seems/feels like maybe not forever. unfinished business.

or perhaps that's just the last flicker of my candle (once a torch?) going out

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Yi 24: Mike Rubel

mike rubel is in a way the epitome of my baseball movie.

i remember when i tried out at cal state fullerton as a walk-on approximately a million years ago. my tryout - a different story - involved throwing off a mound to a catcher named rick campo. it went well enough (best stuff i ever had) that garrido gave me the equivalent of a callback, which involved throwing some BP (batting practice), during one session of which mike rubel, out of banning high school, hit a ball off me that not only cleared the left-field fence but also, i think (having lost sight of it) the 57 freeway and, probably, much of the western edge of placentia.

i have a few vivid memories of my walk-on experience and that is perhaps at the top of the list. i had never seen a ball hit like that.

the titans went to the college world series that year, and mike rubel was a big part of their success.

but, despite being projected as a major league player, it didn't quite work out, as it does not work out for the overwhelming majority of high school and college players who are drafted.

i found this, from a very long time ago, a time not long before mike rubel gave up the game and went on to whatever he went onto after baseball didn't pan out for him as almost everyone thought it would.

this is professional baseball for the majority of professional baseball players.


Legge: The sixth line, magnetic, shows its subject with the horses of her chariot obliged to retreat, and weeping tears of blood in streams.
Wilhelm/Baynes: Horse and wagon part. Bloody tears flow.
Blofeld: He hesitates like a man trotting to and fro or like one shedding blood and tears.
Liu: He goes back and forth on horseback. He sheds tears with blood! [Arrogance leads to misfortune, perhaps extreme misfortune.]
Ritsema/Karcher: Riding a horse, arraying thus. Weeping blood, coursing thus.
Shaughnessy: A team of horses vexatious-like, dipping blood streamingly.
Cleary(1): Mounted on a horse, not going forward, weeping tears of blood.
Wu: The horse carriage falters along. Tears roll down from the rider’s eyes.
Confucius/Legge: She weeps tears of blood in streams -- how can the state thus emblemed continue long? Wilhelm/Baynes: How could one tarry long in this! Blofeld: How could a flow of blood and tears endure for long? [In other words, our present troubles will pass away in time.] Ritsema/Karcher: Wherefore permitting long-living indeed? Cleary (2): Weeping tears of blood – what can last? Wu: Only despair remains.
Legge: The sixth line is magnetic, as is her third line correlate. She is at the extremity of Peril -- the game is up. What can remain for her in such a case but terror and abject weeping?
Siu: The man fails to overcome the initial difficulties and despair.
Wing: You have lost your perspective. You can no longer see your initial difficulties realistically, nor can you find your way out. This is disgraceful and will cause you much regret. It is best to begin again.
Anthony: Desire and fear prevail. The child in us rules. Despairing, we give up our path. “One should not persist in this.”
Editor: Lines two, four and six all show horses in retreat: strong images of psychological turmoil and confusion; two and four have proper correlates however, so they present the possibility of at least some kind of reconciliation. Here, the correlate is line three, who is depicted as being "lost in the woods.” At its most neutral, the image is one of severe disunion. Wilhelm and Blofeld state that the situation is not a lasting one, so all need not be lost if you seek a totally new and perhaps currently unrecognized connection.

armadilla 12: talkinamyself

So, Guillermo dies. Heart attack. At ashes-into-the-San Saba, Colleen and Jeff meet for the first time since the shit hit the fan and agree to stay separated. Rebecca has begun grad school in California; an exam has kept her from the occasion. We see her, distraught in San Francisco. David and Rayleen are in Galveston at the funeral of David's mother. 

Colleen leaves, driving away as Jeff watches. He catches Bobby crying, walks away, goes to the lean-to on the property high point, ponders as the rain starts. He's got a fifth of whiskey in a pocket. 

We see Colleen breaking down in car pulled off to the side of the road in a downpour.

We then see her tending to the Lady Banks in the front yard. Sunny day, birds singing. Colleen's car in the driveway, garage open. Tommy's drive-by.

Lucille finds G's obit in the online San Angelo paper. She gets a call. Hey, remember Guillermo Garcia? A fuzzy flashback to a wedding, hers, to Bobby, down by the river. Snapped out of it by knocking at the door. 

Rayleen and Colleen. Colleen on Tommy's drive-by.

Bobby and Jeff at Guillermo's house. What will come of it? Who'd he leave it to? Old photographs, mom and dad. Lucille.    

Tommy in talk-therapy. Re: Colleen.

Colleen's drive-by of Tommy's in Canyon Lake. They pass each other around a turn, keep going. 

Lucille's poem at open mic. A little verklempt.

Bobby working on the car. Jeff heading out, a first-pitch ceremony. (Where?)

Jeff and beers with an old Astros teammate. Catching up. (Time reference indicates two months have passed since Guillermo died. Rebecca in school. Jeff and Coll separated. Teammate divorced (and head on a swivel when women walk by). 

Colleen with Tommy's card. She dials it. Tommy's office. Phone rings twice, he enters, picks up, Nobody. Colleen, phone in hand. What are you doing? Tommy checks the log, notes the number.

Jeff's first pitch. To the teammate behind the plate. Handshakes and photographs.

Bobby has found Lucille's poem performance posted to the blog he's found.

Lucille smoking a joint and looking at old photos pulled from a dusty shoebox.

Jeff alone in the ballpark. Lights out. Walks to truck. 

Jeff in motel room, calls Rebecca. Rebecca Embarcadero with friend, holding hands. End call. Jeff calls Colleen. Ringtone. She enters, looks at the phone as if it's a cockroach. Jeff, ending call. Colleen staring at the phone, picks it up, missed call: "Jeff."

Tommy and a new client. Who happens to be same Jeff's teammate. Tommy gleans some pertinent information re "separation."

Bobby starts the car. The rumble of the engine. Jeff  returns.

Friday, December 11, 2015

boots 55: hawaii

Scene 1: diner. Wanda poring over Hawaii brochures.

Tom finds "lanai" in the crossword.

Julie asks if they'll be going to a luau.

Also considering a surfing lesson. Waikiki a good place to learn.

Has he ever been surfing? Once, a million years ago Where? Malibu. Off-day on the movie set (Paramount Ranch). Short story.

Wanda: We've been married twenty-five years and that's the first I've heard of that.

Tom: Never came up.

Julie asks Tom about flying. Cheyenne to Salt Lake to San Francisco to Honolulu. How many hours in the air and how many hours in airport bars.

Tom wonders if he'll get "lei'd" when he gets off the plane. Wanda tells him they don't do that anymore but reckons there's a chance he "might get lucky."


I think we DO get to Hawaii, although without Tom. Credits over Jackie's Ruidoso footage, then Carson and Wanda and Chloe in Hawaii. Chloe waxing her surfboard. Wanda a lei around her neck. Carson soaking it up like the bright sun over the swaying palm trees.

THAT is how it should end.

some Completion. (note the "after the end.")
And 37, "Family," is easily the most prevalent hexagram in my inquiries re: Boots. 

Thursday, December 10, 2015

armadilla 11: from lucille finds obit

1. Lucille comes across Guillermo's obituary in the online edition of the San Angelo Standard-Times.

2. Rayleen and Colleen. Colleen remarks that she saw "Tommy Shaughnessy drive by last week."

Really? Where were you?

Home. Out front pruning Lady Banks. Sunday, about two-thirty.

As in drove right on by?


Did he look at you?

He was looking straight ahead. He had on a ballcap and sunglasses.

You're a hundred-percent sure?

No. But it sure felt like him.

3. Tommy in talk-therapy.

4. Jeff and Bobby finishing touches on the lean-to. A beer toast to Guillermo.

5. Lucille open mic. "Poem for Bobby," a little wobbly at the end. 

6. Colleen drive-by Tommy's, Canyon Lake.  

dream: comforting blonde

she'd been in her shopping cart, dirty and bedraggled and not even identifiable as blonde until after I'd held her awhile following her being pushed over - well, her cart while she was in it - by an angry, dangerous black man.

I helped her up. still not blonde, just a sack of a grungy disheveled woman. a nearby black man, from the backseat of a nearby car, asked if she were alright.

i had given quick consideration to dealing with who'd pushed her but decided that would likely make matters worse and the fellow in the backseat put the thought in my mind that I'd be outnumbered.

so i held as she wept and a few others came 'round.

wasn't til we pulled out of the embrace that i noticed her (now) shiny blonde hair and clear (if reddened from crying) and bright blue eyes.

at a table - ? - with two or three others, a younger (than me) man, ponytail, fit, hippie-tarzan-portlandian type, gave me a fist bump.

as we parted and went opposite directions, we held hands until the tips of our fingers separated.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

found objects: ladybug and honeybee

sidewalk, grand, out front, last night.

I have a decent collection of sidewalk stuff.

Yi 23: Daniel Nava revisited

That was pretty damn shocking.