Friday, February 28, 2014


it's kowree not korree, she said,
her blonde having added some red,
eyes greener than blue
and staring holes through
to the thoughts in the back of my head.

what an odd beginning, i told her,
wanting to reach out and hold her,
but there would be time for that
in a later at-bat,
though the beers were making me bolder.

she ordered a jamesons neat,
said it made her guinness complete.
i said i quite understood
and since not driving i would
have one too and meet her under the seat.

she laughed and said she'd be there,
the best of all places to share
tall tales and such
one tells when too much
of the dog has gone down with its hair.

then i thought i heard uilleann pipes,
'twas a song by the band the white stripes.
saint andrew, she said,
and i nodded my head,
the evening increasingly ripe.

and much more fermented it got
til we left and walked through the lot
and then to her place
where we met face to face
and elsewhere until night was naught.

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Arizona 6

We got safely to Theodore Roosevelt Lake and the dam and bridge and a table with benches and shade with a view of the desert reservoir near Government Hill, low brown camelbacked hills on the far side of the water. We sat in silence for awhile when I decided I'd changed my mind and would ask about this divorce she had mentioned. The thought had risen like a bubble to the surface and I thought it might be a good time. It had come up for a reason. 

I said, so tell me a little more about this divorce. She nodded her head. We were side by side on the table facing the water, our feet on the bench. I said, if it's none of my business it's none of my business but I am curious. She nodded again. Of course it's your business, she said. She turned to me and I met her eyes, the hardest to read I've met. She's learned to camouflage and misdirect and send smoke signals with a glance or timely blink. And to make something crystal clear with a barbed glance lest any doubt about the matter obstruct her intent.

She is queen and priestess and witch and has a grasp on hidden elements and can throw them like stones or use them like the wind to send a dream or nightmare. And in her eyes I saw a storm, swirling sea meeting shfting sky. Of course, I thought to myself. So would I be adrift and unsure. I almost asked, do you love him, but of course she does, I knew. I imagined him hurting, having lost her, and too easily remembered that feeling of drowning and burning.

I don't know what I'm going to do, she said, gazing at the lake as if navigating, looking beyond the hills. She said, sometimes I'm sure, other times not so much. I nodded, pressed my knee against hers. The things that occurred to me to say were platitudinous, kneejerk blathering, and I liked very much that sort of froth not being part of my dialogue with Catherine. If we had nothing to say, nothing was said, and even that had yet to be mentioned, as if, I thought, she felt too that remarking on it might be to undermine it, however innocent the intent. There was no chatter to combat silence.  So far, anyway, for the truth was that we were still strangers, no matter the magnet.

I'm sorry I brought it up, I said. She said, don't be, you have a right to know what's going on. I said, thanks, I appreciate it, but I can't and don't need to until you do. She nodded and said thanks. The snoring of approaching motorcrycles became a rumble and then as they passed a bellicose orchestra, the same group as earlier but having added at least a dozen more. When silence resettled she said, I think it's going to rain tonight. I asked, can you feel it? No, she said, I heard it on the radio. I said, that would be nice but you sure can't tell it from right now. We compared our guesses at the temperature, easily over a hundred. 

I threw a pebble at a bush and scared into the open a lizard that came out under the staring sun to look up at us while doing a series of push-ups. Somehow he'd lost his tail. Go home, she told it, and damn if that lizard didn't scramble away into a space under a rock. Then Catherine leaned against me, head to my shoulder. I threw my arm around her and pulled her in, resting my head on hers. This is nice, I said. Yes it is, she whispered. It was also too hot to linger too long and after a half-hour we got back in the car and aimed north on 188.          

my cat

my cat is slowing down,
coming to his stop.
when i lay him in the ground
my heart will finally pop,

the breaching of a dam,
loosing years of tears accrual,
freed to flood the land,
the heavy hand of renewal.

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Newlywed Falls

we were in costa rica, rafting the pacuare river. it was a two-day trip and we were on the second. we'd met the newlyweds the evening before, at the camp on a bluff above the river. it had rained hard for a few hours while kristie slept in the modest room. i sat under a roof and watched the rain, regretting i hadn't a camera and then content to be blessed by the view and the place.  

dinnertime discussion of a magazine's - time or newsweek, i think - list of best places to live had introduced us, and red wine flowing after furthered the enjoyable conversation. they had come from new york city, both were young attorneys. she was bigger than he was, in a kind of mutt and jeff pairing. a good time was had by all and the next day on the raft we were a kind of team.

at one point we stopped and the guide walked us up and along a trail of mud and rocks and tree roots that climbed alongside falls that fed the river. i remember the groom saying, because the guide had suggested we needed to be careful, et cetera, we could just as easily not climb beyond a certain point, we didn't come here to say no. and up we went, me and kristie and the newlyweds and the guide.

we stopped at a spot where one could climb out along a tricky ledge made trickier by its pass through the falls to the other side and dive into the roiling pool. the guide went first, i observed and noted that if you didn't really commit to getting through the falls they would knock you off the ledge into the pool, which would be fine but not the objective.

i went up and out along the ledge and got through the falls but wouldn't have without some oomph behind the rock-hold and strong push forward. i almost got knocked off. kristie and the bride stayed back; the groom followed. 

at the falls he hesitated. i looked down at kristie and the bride in discussion and could tell the latter had her own reservations. the honeymoon could go bad. things do happen. but nothing but good on this day. i extended my hand to him and he grabbed it but i shook my head no and took his wrist and he took mine and he made the push and i pulled and he was through the falls.

i could feel the pride through his pores. i felt good being being next to it. the bride was beaming and probably very thankful. i dived in. he dived in. we swam to rocks that dammed the pool and stayed there awhile before the guide said we needed to get back to the flotilla.

dream: Philomena

Some time back I experienced while laying in bed the first of a few somewhat bunched together experiences of clairaudience.

I heard the name Philomena spoken softly into my ear  and I looked her up.

Monday, February 17, 2014

heartshapedworld cont'd

sidewalk, hope street past 7th.

just in time. 

perfect heart shape, white, the back of a valentines day heart, pinks and sparkle on the front when i turn it over.

added to the found objects box, with three other hearts, including the rock i found in my mom's driveway. 

and a rust ring in near perfect heart shape on the icemaker.

one of these days i'll take pictures.

Sunday, February 16, 2014


i'd walk to the beach from my grandmother's house in costa mesa. 

a few blocks down monrovia avenue entered newport beach and i'd continue on then jump the fence at the back end of the newport crest condominium complex  and walk through to superior and down the hill to cross pacific coast highway, then to the beach between 43rd and 47th streets.  

i have churchills now but used duckfeet then and a swimmer's paddle board that i attached a leash to. most summer days in high school i'd be there with either don young or marty kansriddle, then by myself during the early fall wheh the water was warm and school had resumed.

i wasn't in the water so much the summer jaws came out.

later, when i got my truck, i'd drive down and get off the 5 at cristianitos and park in the mcdonald's lot and walk the path down to under the train tracks and trestles. my brother jay and i had a lively day there once when it got big - eight to ten - and steep, sets of walls rolling in and strong rip having its way with us.  

in huge surf i'd ditch the board and just swim around, not try to catch the waves but climb them and at the top look back at the beach. sloppiness would drop your ass over the falls and into a furious rinse cycle. i've been ragdolled my fair share. 

a kid i grew up with, terry wade, made a name for himself bodysurfing the wedge. a few friends got big into surfing. my high school had a surf team "taught" by mr. hemsley, my algebra teacher. they'd meet at huntington early mornings before school. my first crush, julie bonnett, was a surferchick. i remember oneday coming back from the beach, standing at the intersection of victoria and placentia, and there she was, on her way to the beach. if she even recognized me she didn't betray it; it was as if i wasn't even there. while it was demoralizing, it was also liberating, a spell removed.   

i remember being on a little boat taking kristie out for scuba time, in bali, and passing the lineup of surfers lolling in the jade-green waters waiting for the next to roll in. i was suddenly in the surf magazines i'd flipped through in high school, slobbering at some tropical tube.

we found a little spot on maui once and i had fins and got in but didn't catch anything. it was biggish-seeming to me, maybe six feet, and i found myself thinking about sharks. we'd been to hana and i'd jumped in for a bit and came out to someone talking about tiger shark attacks.   

didn't catch a wave the last time i was in, either, a couple summers ago when i was taking the metrolink down to san clemente. had a good time, though, just swimming around. i was out of shape and it was big enough that i was making sure to get to the bottom and grab sand when the sets came through.  

my uncle mike surfed. he tagged me along a few times when i was a kid. he had the badass chevelle and i remember cruising pch. and who knows why but i will never forget seeing the coppertone girl on a billboard ad.

i don't know why this stuff is on my mind the past couple days.

Friday, February 14, 2014


we never got to paris
to hold hands and kiss
and stroll and caress,
so it's her i'll miss,

her i'll remember
when i'm at the cafe
in the arms of december
on the champs-elysees.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

couple precog breadcrumbs

couple precognitive dreams worth noting because they came around so clearly and quickly, within a week of each other.

first, real simple: S whispering into my ear.

but it's more witnessing it than actually receiving something to hear. it's representative, for me to see and note.  

so, what is whispered? secrets are whispered.

i have the dream a few days before i am to meet with S, so i figure if i am going to get any confirmation, it'll likely come then.

sure enough. S does indeed share a secret, something very personal. it leads to a good conversation.

damn, that was easy.

second. just as quick and basic: at a table with C. she gets up and i notice she's got menstrual blood dripping down her leg all the way to her ankle. she excuses herself to take care of it.

i have doubts this will come up in conversation, except that it does, and not much later. we're at lunch and she asks if i've had any interesting dreams lately. i consider sharing the dream but decide not to, until after we get up and leave.

i tell her and she's floored.

because recently she's had a serious bleeding problem with her i.u.d.

anyway, as none of these dreams pertain particularly to me, one might question their utility. their utility is that they are breadcrumbs-on-the-trail reminders that the other dreams, the bigger dreams, the personal dreams...will come around, too.

little helpful tap-on-the-shoulder reminders of the unfolding and so hang in an be patient.

thank Yi.

Monday, February 10, 2014

dream: beating away the bad

kind of a haunted house setting. demons and evil spirits and such coming out of doorways and down tunnels at me, et cetera, charging me or waiting behind corners, in shadows.

and i repel them, keep them away, or banish them from being with large displays and expressions of my faith in christ, used almost as a shield against them but aimed as well, to drive them away.

much body language emulating the cross, oration, as well as gazing and pointing to the sky, the source of the spirit that would fill me and eliminate all fear. 


and reminiscent of the casting away of the succubi years and years ago.

realizing my subordinate position to a (much) higher power and utilizing that to shock (and awe) my attackers, who were indeed surprised when i called in the air strike.
see James 4:7 
Thank Yi. 
found object