Monday, December 30, 2013

Bali Bump

we were in Bali, in a taxi on the way to the last hotel of the trip. we'd just gotten off the boat and were idling at a red light when i "just had a feeling" and turned around in time to see through the back window that the car approaching us from behind was not going to stop in time to not collide with us, so i told her to "hold on" and i placed my arm and hand behind her head and neck in hopes of decreasing the whiplash potential and braced myself for impact.  


the back end of the taxi was fucked up and everybody was damn interested when i got out of the car and began taking pictures. the police arrived to make a report and they too were a little curious about my picture-taking but what so what.

we were both a little sore that night and the next day but not as bad as we would've been were it not for "just a feeling." 

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Christmas 2013

up early and a walk up rosecrans a-ways from the hotel. cool and pretty morning. but i still don't feel a thing for san diego. hard to pin down, but something purgatorial. 

over to sarah and sean's in tierrasanta. harmony and vidal and their two sons came down from hemet. 

held and fed alexander and chased miss abigail around. thus, yes, a merry christmas, despite my derelict spirit.

it sinks in deeper when i sit down at my desk today and see the picture of dave. i can hear him: those are my grandkids.

they'll be in hawaii in not so long; mom and i both voiced the notion of a cruise around the islands.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Merry Christmas

I know someone who witnessed one Christmas Eve many years ago her father shoot to death in their driveway her mother and another man.

She is devout in her Faith, by the way.

There is a photo I came across, a Facebook photo, she's with her husband. They're standing in front of what might be their new home, stucco in the desert. She rests her head on his considerable shoulder, his big arm around her and pulling her close.

He's holding the camera out in front of them, I think.

She looks protected, and embracing greatly the protection. It's a reassuring photo, were one concerned for her well-being. She peeks out at the camera enigmatically, though. He smiles, it's a little tired, but  it's sincere, he's happy enough. Her expression is more difficult to interpret. Yet she clings to him, clearly. But why do I feel there's something in hiding? Or maybe, instead, just beginning to peer out tentatively.

It doesn't really matter. But it's an interesting photo, no less so in that it's since been replaced by one that features her and her sister as girls in white standing in the pews of a church with their hands together in front of them, in prayer position, like the adults who surround them. 

They face the camera but her sister stares intently to her left at something out of frame, and her eyes are eerily lit by source that has found only her.  
Given what was to come to them just a few precious years later one Christmas Eve, it's quite a picture.

Venus in Scorpio.

Codette @ Traxx

Arrived at Union Station a little early yesterday so dropped into Traxx for an IPA (meh, Goose Island something or other, live and learn).  Sat at the bar and ended up in a conversation with Codette, who, it turned out, was an originator and later part-owner with her husband James Vowell of the now no-longer Los Angeles Reader.

I remembered the David Lynch comic, The Angriest Dog in the World, and we went from there. She was waiting for her train out to the Oak Glen area. It was a thoroughly enjoyable conversation.

She got a kick out of me correctly guessing her pre-law degree.

Saturday, December 21, 2013

boots: driveway

int. tom's truck - day

chloe in the driver's seat, hands on the wheel, door shut, window down. tom sits in the passenger seat, one leg out the open door, almost pointing to carson's car in the open garage. he's sharp in newish jeans, western-style pearl-snap shirt, bolo tie, the hat.  

ch: what year?

t: seventy-four.

ch: wow. dad was younger than i am now.

tom fishes his keys out of his pocket, hands them over.

(t cont'd) start 'er up.   

ch really?

t sure.

she does. the v-8 growls.

ch wow. that's healthy.

t gotcher license?

ch last month.

t gonna get a car?

ch dad says when i graduate.

t gonna go to college?

ch yeah.

t know where?

ch not yet. 

t got a favorite subject?

i like history. are you gonna make a bet today?

reckon i will if i see horse that stands out.

will you tell me about some of the things you see?

i sure will.

she turns off the engine.

reckon i'll save you some gas. 

int. house - hallway

carson in jeans, hawaiian shirt, loafers and ballcap with shades on top comes into frame when he rounds a corner checking his phone then putting it in his pocket as he opens a door and enters:

the garage

carson sees the conversation in the truck and watches awhile before finally getting in his car and backing it into the street.

the truck

ch how long have you had it?

t bout fifteen years. 

ch it's in great shape. 

t  fella i picked it up from took real good care of it.

ch it's comfortable.

t  i put the seat in a little over a year ago. got to the point where it was more duct tape than leather. reckon at some point i'll get around to the dash. you can see up in here where it's startin to crack.  

we see carson approaching in the driver's side window.  

i love it. it's cool. it's got character out the ass.

carson arrives at the window.

c out the what?  

ch dad, check out the tape deck. eight track.

c do you have tapes, tom?

tom opens the glove compartment to reveal four eight-track tapes among the assorted items. 

t down to just a few that don't sound like somebody garglin.

carson looks back up the road at an approaching hybrid compact car. chloe sees it in the rearview. tom adjusts the door to see the car in the side mirror.

c: that's jackie.

chloe hands the keys to tom.

(c cont'd) thank you, tom.

they roll up the windows.

t maybe we can take her for a spin around the block before i head out tomorrow. 

ch really?

t sure.

ch i'd like that.

t maybe run it by your dad first.

ch are you kidding? he'll take pictures.

jackie arrives and carson stands in the street directs her into the garage like a tarmac worker directing a plane to its gate.  jackie parks and walks to the street as carson points the remote and closes the garage door as he meets her in the driveway with a kiss.

c i'd like you to meet someone.

j i am so nervous.

c i think everybody is.

tom removes his hat as carson and jackie approach. jackie and chloe wave at each other.

c tom, i'd like you to meet jackie. jackie, tom.

jackie extends her hand and tom takes it.

j tom, it's very nice to meet you.

t pleasure's mine, ma'am.

j jackie, please.

t jackie.

jackie and chloe hug each other.

j hey you.

ch hey you.

t i thought we might stop at white sands on the way. tom's never been.

ch sounds good. i brought my video camera.

c gonna make a movie?

j maaaaybe.

they follow carson's lead to his car. 

ch jackie's in the creative media department at the university. can we call it digital filmmaking?

j that works. i hope you're not too camera-shy, tom.

ch well. reckon i won't run away.

 and if you do, i'll put it on youtube.

ch can i shoot a little?

j you can shoot all you want. the more the merrier.

ch this is fun. (to tom) isn't it?

tom nods. they get in the car, tom and chloe to the backseat. carson mimics the bugle call at a horse race and drives away.

ext. white sands national monument - later

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Dream: Train Nearing Station

kind of an overhead view of the sleek shiny train approaching what seemed like union station.

regardless, it was coming closer and almost in.


Monday, December 16, 2013

Dream: Desert Trail Meets The Lake

same trail as always, snaking through a vast southwesternish desert landscape. now and then there've been trickles of water alongside the trail, and i remember once venturing off and following it to where it opened up into a beautiful rivery area, and i wanted to stay.

in this dream, though, "i" leave my body and fly ahead, down the trail and around the bend made by a mountain, and there is the large lake, glassy surface, "suddenly" there; i've arrived (albeit on a reconnnaisance trip).  

i dive in and as i do think to myself that it might've been wiser to jump in, but my angle isn't so vertical and i'm fine anyway; the temperature of the water is perfect.

i remove my heavy hiking boots, throw them ashore and swim out into the lake.

the water temperature is "perfect," and I swim to near the far side of the lake, where it sort forms an inlet of sorts, a section attached but unto itself. I consider swimming over into it but decide, for reasons I am not entirely sure of - a gut feeling - that maybe I ought not to.

oddly - speaking of gut feeling - when I consider this part of the dream, it seems that maybe there is something "too easy" about getting there, or swimming in it. like somehow it involves a compromise that while, attractive - perhaps because of the ease of it - would in the end be a bad idea.

like, getting to the lake afforded me the opportunity to choose, and to choose to swim into that smaller area would be a choice that in the end would, as I said, compromise me - or my bigger goal/objective/purpose...somehow.

hmm. the "shallow end" comes to mind.  

not entirely cryptic. the path. taking a peek at What's Around The Corner. seeing that it's good. some business about "being noticed" by a group of older folks on the dock near a boat when i get out of the water, and that didn't feel so bad either. certainly enough to keep one walking the desolate trail. (reminded of the older woman - "julie taymor" - in the biltmore dream.)


found object photo

Sunday, December 15, 2013


Rex came up yesterday, pleasantly surprising me.

We grew up in Costa Mesa, were in junior high and played Harbor Area baseball together, getting to know each other when we were on the same team in the summer of '74. Rex had been pitching and I was just beginning to think about it and we would practice curves and screwballs when we played catch, much to the displeasure of our 19-year-old coach, Dan Beavor, Andy's older brother.

We lost touch after that and went different directions when high school came around, his arc more in line with Dave's. 

And it was Dave I asked about Rex a handful of summers ago, wondering if he knew what had become of him. Dave's recollection was that he had died from a heroin overdose, which he repeated the last time I inquired a few years ago, a summer night with beers on the stoop.

But for some reason it didn't feel so and last spring I looked for Rex and found him (online) in Orange County Jail. I wrote and we began a correspondence that's been steady since. There've been a few false starts toward meeting up but yesterday it finally happened. Got a call from the desk downstairs, You have a visitor, Rex, up he came and there he was when I got to the elevator.

As he said, we'd never have recognized each other on the street. (He said he'd be the guy who looked like Uncle Fester on crack.) 

We went to Dublin's, had lunch and a few beers, got caught up a little, then back to my place for a littlem while before he left to catch the blue line to Long Beach and a bus from there to Anaheim. The Johnson brothers had come up in correspondence; he said Billy should've been given an award rather than death row for what he did. 

Other casualties of our time and place were briefly discussed and we shared some dark laughter. We share a similar sense of humor and did back then.         

We discussed meeting for some OTB at Los Al in a couple weeks - he likes the drop a penny or two on the horses - so I'll take some pictures.


Saturday, December 14, 2013


i know it's the right thing
to tell you goodbye,
it's not what i want
but the look in your eye
says more than a book
could ever convey,
so i know it's time
to get out of your way.

it's only natural, like dyin,
like birds flyin and new babies cryin.
it's only natural, gravity drops
things without wings when the believing stops.

we had a nice ride
and sure helped each other
as much as we could
before we discovered
change comes around
with its own design,
and what once lay ahead
is dead left behind.

it's only natural, like dyin,
like birds flyin and new babies cryin.
it's only natural, gravity drops
things without wings when the believing stops.

here are your keys,
i'll take the cat.
you keep the dog,
he won't fit in my flat.
i'll call you sometimes
just to say hi,
but today is the day
we say goodbye.

it's only natural, like dyin,
like birds flyin and new babies cryin.
it's only natural, gravity drops
things without wings when the believing stops.

i bet i know a singer-fiddler on the other side of the orange curtain who could do something with that.

Sunday, December 8, 2013

I Never Win Anything

I can never say that again.

I won something last night at the office holiday party at Cicada; this.

I should be embarrassed to admit to the degree to which I am a technological dinosaur, but it explains the link in that I had to look it up to see what I have in my hands. Not that the review isn't mostly Greek to me.

But I am sure it will come in handy. A co-worker's daughter tried to impress upon me the degree to which I'd scored, and I'm excited about the photographic capabilities.

Good time at the party, danced plenty as per usual. Kicked it with the Cyn'n'Shawnita show at the Biltmore (after), walked out late with Steve who was staying at the Bonaventure. He says there's a class I can take at an Apple store (I think) in Pasadena(?) to learn how to drive my new Ferrari.   

Glad I went. 

And my credit card was at Dublin's, whew. 

I can walk under ladders.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

the truth

the truth
isn't pretty
it would kill me
in court

there's proof
of me shitty
and they'd bill me
for tort

Saturday, November 30, 2013

found fortune 1

gutter, ralphs side of flower and ninth.

the heartshape trail thing has my eyes scanning.


Monday, November 25, 2013

Dave Day

yesterday. trained out to canyon country to hang out with clayton. 


Saturday, November 23, 2013

a good captain

a good captain
slips his ship through
tight passages and the unrelenting
forever of open ocean.

she knows the stars
by name some nights
when they wink and twinkle black maps
the moon magnifies.

a good captain
understands boats
sink like rocks and hopes and sailing coffins 
when a hole wants more.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

NM dream

walking up the slight grade of a fire road in a wooded area. sunny day. pretty place. i look back over my left shoulder and note adobe homes blending into the landscape (just like santa fe) . and after a while, nearing the top, i note the driveway to another home - very nice, southwestern - but my view is limited in that, as in the dream from a couple years ago, it's almost as if i'm allowed only a glimpse. a hint.

at any rate, i come to the top of the hill/mountain, where it's somewhat leveled off - a plateau - and it's kind of like the hub of the community's trail system. i note the homes in the near and distant hills. nice spot.

snow on the ground - in patches, and i wonder how recently it fell -  is what draws my attention to the fact that i'm barefoot, though utterly comfortable even in the snow.

eventually there are perhaps a dozen other people gathered round, all resident-hikers of the area.

it doesn't suck. even a little exciting. 
edit: 11/25. a little slow to realize the connection between being barefoot (yet comfortable) and not (yet) having...the necessary Boots. doh.

Saturday, November 16, 2013


do you remember?

it was the cenote day.

we'd stopped in that little seaside place south of cancun - i don't remember the name but we agreed we'd stay there if we came back - and snorkeled out holding hands toward and then between and then past the boats but along the way there was that barracuda, a mini-torpedo, stationary, hovering, still as a stone, and then the bottom dropped off and down we went.

that was a good day.

wasn't it?

Friday, November 15, 2013

Thursday, October 31, 2013

My First Ever Halloween Pumpkin

lightbulb eyeballs (pupils by sharpie)
styrofoam cup mouth
toilet paper roll ears
wrapping paper hair
puncture nostrils
i have since added smallish christmas ball earrings.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Saturday, October 26, 2013

dream: christian college

interior, like a large hall. i don't think the name of the school was so important as it was that it is a "christian college."   

i'm not a student, almost literally just passing through, or trying to, but getting bullied, threatened, bumped into because they won't deviate from course and almost seek out collision, confrontation.

there's some event - i don't know what - that's gone wrong and college officials are huddling, murmuring damage control and warming up the blame game.

it's because of the officer-type who approaches me, because an older chinese woman thinks i might be the one who did something - i don't know what - that the bullying stops. when the officer explains the situation, the bully "behaves" but after the explanation, and the older chinese women seeing and stating i'm not the one, i tell the officer about the bullying and as i'm doing this the bully slinks away.

the officer guides me to the door i've been trying to get to and suggests letting it go and moving on. 

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Sunday, October 20, 2013

A Nail

I was hanging my Betty Blue print in my room in the house on Marin in Albany and dropped the nail I was about to hammer into the wall.

I heard it land - ping! - and roll on the hardwood floor. I looked everywhere for it but could not locate it, weird enough in itself.

I stopped the search and took a shower and got in my truck and drove across the bridge to Kathryn's in The City.

When I came home the next morning, I was reminded of the fallen nail when I walked into my room and saw it balanced on its tip - straight up and down - on the floor. On, not in, which would've been interesting, too.

I picked it up and hung the print.  

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Assorted Ski Cali




Thursday, October 17, 2013

Tuesday, October 15, 2013


click on pics to enlarge